Published June 03, 2005, issue of June 03, 2005.
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Once again, Stanley Siegelman returns to Der Vinkl with his incredible ability to spot odd and unusual news items and turn them into his funny, punny English and Yiddish. Here’s the way he introduces his rare bit of news: “Yielding to pressure from animal rights activists, the Israeli Knesset has banned the force-feeding of geese. Israel is the world’s fourth largest exporter of foie gras, the enlarged livers of geese that have been fed in this manner.”

M’muz Nit Onshtupn A Gandz

M’shtupt di gendz durkh moyl un haldz

Zey vern zaftik, ful mit shmalts.

“Foie gras” m’makht azoy in land

A fargenign far “gourmand.”

In Yis-ro-el, di katshkes, gendz

Vern ongeshtupt (un oykhet, “hens”)

Nur yetst der Knesset zogt: “Nit mer!”

“A shande s’iz! It is not fair.”

Di feygelekh, tsi yung tsi alt

M’tor nit shpayzn mit gevalt!

Der “process” brengt on “disbelief”

Vos ken a haldz zayn azoy tif.

An eydes tsu der “foie gras” craze

Zogt “oy khaloshes, ikh bin beyz!”

Di aktivistn, on a shir

Zogn, “Shoyn a sof tsum gandz — eh shmir!”

Zey obzervirn, mit a “gloat”

Nit mer veln poyern ton “deep throat.”

Vilstu nay gezetsn krign?

Legislatern shtup, oy Yidn.

Biz itst, m’halt, es iz kayn zind

Ven muter ibershpayzt ir kind!

Stuff Not Thy Goose

The aim is plain in stuffing geese:

Build up their weight, make them obese.

Foie gras” results — the goal of this

Contributing to gourmand bliss.

In Israel, they feed the flock

Incessantly, around the clock.

But now the Knesset has decreed

’Tis cruel thus the birds to feed.

Enlarging livers (method coarse)

May not, they’ve ruled, be done by force.

A troubling thing to see and note

This re-enactment of deep throat.

Who takes a gander at the scene

Is witness to an act obscene!

The activists have raised a howl

And gained success by crying “fowl”!

No more may farmers cause a bloat

By cramming foodstuff down the throat

Of gaggling avians! Foie gras

Is suddenly anathema!

To get results, ’tis now adduced,

Lawmakers must at times be goosed.

No legislation yet forbids

A Jewish mom from stuffing kids!

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