By Guest Author

Published July 07, 2006, issue of July 07, 2006.
  • Print
  • Share Share

Stanley Siegelman returns to Der Vinkl with his incredible ability to uncover rare bits of news and to follow up with his hilarious Yiddish and English commentary. Here’s the news item, as he describes it: “Saudi King Abdullah has instructed newspaper editors to stop printing photos of women in which their faces are revealed. He explained that this kind of exposure could lead young men astray.”

Bahalt Dos Ponim!

M’muz nit vayzn oy, oy, oy

Dos nakete ponim fun a froy!

Azoy bafelt der kenig Saudi

Tsu andersh ton, by im, is “naughty,

A man vos kukt oyf aza bild

Ken vern, vi a khaye, vild.

Er ken, kholile, vern “loose

In gatkes oykh in zayn “burnoose.”

Ver folgt yetst nit dem nayem bafel

Vet bald farshlosn zayn in “jail.”

Abdullah (kenig fun dem land)

Dos ken zayn a groyse shand.

Er davnt itst in Mecca, frum,

Un dankt Got far “petroleum,”

Di “mullah” fun Abdullah kvelt:

“Er tut gut far der Muslim velt!”

Far vos vert er azoy heys

Kukndik oyf a meydels “face”?

* * *

Hide Your Face!

“Thou shalt not show, it’s a disgrace

“The frontal naked female face!”

This edict from the Saudi throne

Establishes high moral tone.

A glimpse of physiognomy

Could drive a young man wild, you see

And could conceivably let loose

Uneasiness in his burnoose.

The king admonishes each male:

“Don’t look or else you’ll land in jail!”

His majesty, by this decree

Enforces strict morality:

“The sight of face could spur romance —

And that we can not countenance!”

(The man who says, “I’m feeling swell”

Is doomed and headed straight for hell.)

His Majesty at prayer excels

While checking on his oil wells.

His turbaned mullah, beard unfurled,

Commends him to the Muslim world.

Why does the king flush hot-and-pale

Whene’er he contemplates the veil?

Find us on Facebook!
  • Can you relate?
  • The Forverts' "Bintel Brief" advice column ran for more than 65 years. Now it's getting a second life — as a cartoon.
  • Half of this Hillel's members believe Jesus was the Messiah.
  • Vinyl isn't just for hipsters and hippies. Israeli photographer Eilan Paz documents the most astonishing record collections from around the world:
  • Could Spider-Man be Jewish? Andrew Garfield thinks so.
  • Most tasteless video ever? A new video shows Jesus Christ dying at Auschwitz.
  • "It’s the smell that hits me first — musty, almost sweet, emanating from the green felt that cradles each piece of silver cutlery in its own place." Only one week left to submit! Tell us the story of your family's Jewish heirloom.
  • Mazel tov to Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky!
  • If it's true, it's pretty terrifying news.
  • “My mom went to cook at the White House and all I got was this tiny piece of leftover raspberry ganache."
  • Planning on catching "Fading Gigolo" this weekend? Read our review.
  • A new initiative will spend $300 million a year towards strengthening Israel's relationship with the Diaspora. Is this money spent wisely?
  • Lusia Horowitz left pre-state Israel to fight fascism in Spain — and wound up being captured by the Nazis and sent to die at Auschwitz. Share her remarkable story — told in her letters.
  • Vered Guttman doesn't usually get nervous about cooking for 20 people, even for Passover. But last night was a bit different. She was cooking for the Obamas at the White House Seder.
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?

You may also be interested in our English-language newsletters:

We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.