DER YIDDISH-VINKL May 23, 2003

A WEEKLY BRIEFING ON THE MOTHER TONGUE

Published May 23, 2003, issue of May 23, 2003.
  • Print
  • Share Share

“Mishpokhe Kheyndlekh” are an ongoing feature in the Yiddish Forward. The items refer to humorous bits that are clean enough to be shared with the extended family. What follows are a few examples from recent issues. The transliteration is by Goldie Gold; the translation is by Gus Tyler.

Tsvey fraynd zitsn in an eroplan. Bemeshekh funem fli, iz eyner zeyer nervez.

“Vos zorgstu zikh?” fregt im der tsveyter. “Trakht azoy vi ikh — ven s’kumt dayn tsayt tsu geyn fun der velt, vestu geyn, un shoyn!”

“Dos farshtey ikh aleyn,” entfert zayn fraynd, “Vi iz ober az s’iz dem pilot’s tsayt tsu geyn?”

Two friends are in an airplane. During the flight one of them gets nervous.

“Why are you so worried?” asks the second. “Think the way I do. When the time comes for you to go, you’ll go, and that’s it.”

“I understand that myself,” answers his friend. “But what happens if it’s the pilot’s time to go?

* * *

A froy hot ongeklungn in byuro fun der ortiker tsaytung un gezogt az zi vil shteln a nekrolog far ir man.

“Gut,” entfert di sekretarshke, “vos vilt ir zol shteyn?”

“Moris Levine iz geshtorbn.”

“Dos iz es? Bloys ‘Moris Levin iz geshtorbn?”

“Yo.”

“Ober farn zelbn gelt, kent or tsugebn nokh epes.”

Di almone shvaygt a rege, un zogt: “Gut. Shraybt azoy: Moris Levin iz geshtorbn. Kadilak tsum farkoyfn.”

A woman called the office of a local newspaper and told them that she wanted to place an obituary notice for her husband.

“Good,” answers the secretary, “what do you want it to say?

“Morris Levine died.”

“Is that it? Simply, Morris Levine died?”

“Yes.”

“But for the same money you may add anything else.”

The widow was silent for a moment and then says, “Gut. Write the following. Morris Levine died, and a Cadillac is for sale.”

* * *

Sheyndl iz gegangen oyf an intervyu far a positzye vi an exzekutiv-sekretarshe.

“Zog mir,” fregt der intervyuer, “vos far a feyikeytn hot ir, vos ir halt zenen vikhtik?”

“Ikh ken shraybn,” hot Sheyndl geentfert. “Farayorn hot men publikirt tsvey dertseylungen mayne, un ikh hob farendikt mayn roman.”

“Yasher-koyekh. Gemeynt hob ikh ober dayne feyikeytn vos kenen aykh tsu nits kumen beys di arbet shoen.”

“Ikh veys! Dos iz take geven beys di arbet-shoen.”

Sheyndl went for an interview for a position as an executive secretary. “What kind of abilities do you have that you consider important?”

“I know how to write,” answered Sheyndl. “A few years ago they published two stories of mine, and I have completed a novel.”

“More power to you. But what I meant, however, was what talents do you have that would be displayed during working hours?”

“I know! All these things did take place during working hours.”






Find us on Facebook!
  • "If you want my advice: more Palestinians, more checkpoints, just more reality." What do you think?
  • Happy birthday Barbra Streisand! Our favorite Funny Girl turns 72 today.
  • Clueless parenting advice from the star of "Clueless."
  • Why won't the city give an answer?
  • BREAKING NEWS: Israel has officially suspended peace talks with the Palestinians.
  • Can you guess what the most boring job in the army is?
  • What the foolish rabbi of Chelm teaches us about Israel and the Palestinian unity deal:
  • Mazel tov to Idina Menzel on making Variety "Power of Women" cover! http://jd.fo/f3Mms
  • "How much should I expect him and/or ask him to participate? Is it enough to have one parent reciting the prayers and observing the holidays?" What do you think?
  • New York and Montreal have been at odds for far too long. Stop the bagel wars, sign our bagel peace treaty!
  • Really, can you blame them?
  • “How I Stopped Hating Women of the Wall and Started Talking to My Mother.” Will you see it?
  • Taglit-Birthright Israel is redefining who they consider "Jewish" after a 17% drop in registration from 2011-2013. Is the "propaganda tag" keeping young people away?
  • Happy birthday William Shakespeare! Turns out, the Bard knew quite a bit about Jews.
  • Would you get to know racists on a first-name basis if you thought it might help you prevent them from going on rampages, like the recent shooting in Kansas City?
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?








You may also be interested in our English-language newsletters:













We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.