Skip To Content

Is Donald Trump The Subject Of An Actual Witch-Hunt?

This morning, President Trump declared himself to be the subject of “the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history!”

With all due respect to the president — I guess — his declaration seems unfounded. That’s partially because witch-hunts are traditionally baseless, where investigations of Russian interference in the 2016 election are fueled by pesky details like unreported contacts between Trump’s campaign and the Russian Ambassador. But it’s partially because if he were subject of a real witch-hunt, it would be easy to tell. How? We’re glad you asked.

1) Is anyone checking if his weight compares to that of an average waterfowl?

As Monty Python memorably taught us, a witch can be identified if she (or he) weighs the same as a duck. Why? Because witches burn, as does wood; therefore, witches must be made of wood, which floats. Ducks also float, so a witch must weigh the same as a duck.

Duh! If anyone has seen some large scales set up on the White House lawn, or Chuck Schumer trying desperately to catch a goose, it’s a sure sign a witch-hunt is afoot.

2) Has anyone given him a creepy doll as a gift?

In “The Crucible,” Arthur Miller showed us the witch-hunt drill: To catch a witch, give him or her a poppet (a doll made to represent a specific person) and then accuse them of using the poppet to hurt you.

Has anyone given Trump a doll recently, and if so, are they now claiming to be suffering from suspicious paranormal wounds? If so, we’re definitely in for a witch-hunt, and SNL will have to get Alec Baldwin’s Trump a new toy.

3) Have teenagers recently tried to trap him in a high school kiln?

“Hocus-Pocus” showed us one way not to hunt a witch: Actually try to burn them! Real witches like Bette Midler and Sarah Jessica Parker can recover from that. (Obviously.) If a gang of pesky teenagers, trying to foil Trump’s plans for world domination, lures him into a high-school ceramics classroom, he’ll know he’s definitely the subject of a witch-hunt. And we thought he was already prejudiced against the arts.

I hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, I’d like to ask you to please support the Forward’s award-winning, nonprofit journalism during this critical time.

Now more than ever, American Jews need independent news they can trust, with reporting driven by truth, not ideology. We serve you, not any ideological agenda.

At a time when other newsrooms are closing or cutting back, the Forward has removed its paywall and invested additional resources to report on the ground from Israel and around the U.S. on the impact of the war, rising antisemitism and the protests on college campuses.

Readers like you make it all possible. Support our work by becoming a Forward Member and connect with our journalism and your community.

Make a gift of any size and become a Forward member today. You’ll support our mission to tell the American Jewish story fully and fairly. 

— Rachel Fishman Feddersen, Publisher and CEO

Join our mission to tell the Jewish story fully and fairly.

Republish This Story

Please read before republishing

We’re happy to make this story available to republish for free, unless it originated with JTA, Haaretz or another publication (as indicated on the article) and as long as you follow our guidelines. You must credit the Forward, retain our pixel and preserve our canonical link in Google search.  See our full guidelines for more information, and this guide for detail about canonical URLs.

To republish, copy the HTML by clicking on the yellow button to the right; it includes our tracking pixel, all paragraph styles and hyperlinks, the author byline and credit to the Forward. It does not include images; to avoid copyright violations, you must add them manually, following our guidelines. Please email us at [email protected], subject line “republish,” with any questions or to let us know what stories you’re picking up.

We don't support Internet Explorer

Please use Chrome, Safari, Firefox, or Edge to view this site.