You can own Larry David’s mezuzah — and all the questions that come with it
An eBay listing claims to be the ‘Seinfeld’ and ‘Curb’ creator’s Judaica
Larry David would surely have strong opinions on mezuzah hygiene, placement and frequency throughout one’s home. Image by John P. Johnson/ HBO/Canva
By PJ Grisar August 22, 2023
In a classic episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David affixes a mezuzah to his doorpost with a prop nail from The Passion of the Christ. The nail, David’s Christian father-in-law is proud to tell him, was purchased online. But a Larry David mezuzah has been missing from the internet marketplace — until now.
A mezuzah purported to have belonged to the real-life David, listed with a starting price of $15,000, has appeared on eBay. It comes with its scroll intact and, according to the seller, once adorned the door of David’s former home in Los Angeles where he wrote episodes of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm.
(Reached to confirm the provenance, the seller directed a reporter to a video on the listing, which does appear to show David’s old house with the mezuzah by the front entrance. Asked how the mezuzah came into his possession, the seller said, “The house was being demolished for new construction. It was salvaged along with many other items from the home.”)
The artifact’s existence hints at a world of under-examined mezuzah etiquette. David, whose stringent and unspoken social strictures could fill new tractates of Talmud, has never quite seen fit to apply his rules to Judaica, opting instead to focus on eliminating the double-speak of “no gifts” at a party, standardizing tipping amounts while out to eat with friends and the niceties of the “chat and cut.”
So: What rules accompany the mezuzah of a man who rejects convention over the slightest inconvenience or pettiest grievance?
Did David, a notorious germaphobe, insist that guests recovering from a cold not touch his mezuzah? (While we’re at it, does anyone really need to kiss their fingers after?)
Given David’s desire (in the criminally underseen Clear History) to have power outlets at eye level, one wonders if he has similarly strong feelings about the placement of mezuzahs? And how does his edict to respect wood — he’s a vigorous proponent of coasters on wooden furniture — factor into how he feels about nailing it to the doorpost?
There are, of course, many accepted guidelines surrounding mezuzahs and how to hang them. The mezuzah is placed to the right of the door; the parchment must contain certain approved prayers and names of God; a blessing must be said before it’s attached; and you’re supposed to have the whole affair completed within 30 days of moving.
This gives David a lot to quibble with. What if you’re left-handed? Wouldn’t it be easier to have it to the left of the door in that case? Do we really need mezuzahs for every room that is 6.5 feet by 6.5 feet? What about the walk-in closet?
One can almost hear David saying a large closet doesn’t need a reminder of God’s commandments, as it’s not exactly a room. “A room needs to have a place to sit. No chair, no mezuzah!”
Shouldn’t the first mezuzah at the front door be an adequate mitzvah advertising one’s Jewishness? Do guests need a constant reminder that a Jew lives there? And anyway, why the 30-days rule to hang the thing? Does misfortune have a grace period?
In a way, it’s surprising that David bothered to ornament his house with this traditional Jewish object at all. Thus, even more points of inquiry, such as: Can a mezuzah work if you only put one up to please your family? And, while this mezuzah is modest in size and unassuming in shape, can a particularly ostentatious one be “mezuzah bragging”?
While we’re at it, is buying a celebrity’s used mezuzah tacky, or, perhaps, even an act of idolatry?
These and other questions can be your burden should you purchase this handsome amulet for your home. As for me? I’d rather not let that tsuris in the door.
Beth Harpaz contributed reporting to this story.
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