Jewish jokes for your Passover Seder table
Photo by Midjourney
By Chanie Kirschner March 25, 2024
A little humor can go a long way when it comes to getting through the holiday with your family. So when you’re full of matzo, the wine has been spilled one too many times, and Aunt Gertrude keeps bothering you about still being single, here’s some jokes to carry you through.
For the prim and proper folks
A British Jew had earned himself the honor of being knighted by the queen. He was to kneel before the queen and, after she knighted him, to recite a phrase in Latin in return.
The big moment came, and he panicked and forgot the Latin phrase completely. Flustered, he uttered the only phrase in a foreign language that he could think of: “Mah nistanah halayaah hazeh mikol halailot.”
Stunned, the queen turned to her attendant next to her and asked, “Why is this knight different than all other knights?”
For the teenagers
Ethan, who is not Jewish, comes to his good friend Jacob’s house for the Seder on the first night of Passover. After a long time of telling the story of the Exodus, they finally get to the good part — the food.
This is the first time Ethan is having chicken soup with matzo balls.
He says to Jacob: “Hey, these things are delicious. What do you call them?”
Jacob responds, “We call them matzo balls.”
After hearing this, Ethan continues, “They really are delicious, but let me ask you a question: Do you use any other part of the matzo?”
For your parents
Harry calls his son David in New York before Passover and says: “David, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child. I’ve made up my mind; I’m divorcing Mom.”
David is shocked. “But Dad, you can’t decide to divorce Mom just like that after 48 years together. What happened?”
“It’s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you’re my son, and I thought you should know. I really don’t want to get into it any more than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.”
“But where’s Mom? Can I talk to her?”
“No, I haven’t told her yet. Believe me, it hasn’t been easy. I’ve agonized over this for a while, and I’ve finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.”
“Dad, don’t do anything yet. I’m going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won’t do anything until I get there.”
“Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Passover. I’ll hold off seeing the lawyer until after the Seder. Call your sister in New Jersey, please, and break the news to her. I just can’t bear to talk about it anymore.”
A half hour later, Harry receives a call from his daughter, Laura, who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow. “David told me that you don’t want to talk about it over the phone, but promise me that you won’t do anything until we get there.”
After hanging up the phone, Sol turns to his wife and says, “Well, it worked this time, but what are we going to do to get them to come down next year?”
For everyone
A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school. When his father asked what he learned in school today, he replied, “The rabbi told us how Moses brought the children of Israel out of Egypt.”
Excited to hear what his son had learned, he asked his son, “How?”
“Well, first he told us that Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharaoh up. Then he got all the people together, ran toward the sea, built a huge bridge and then blew it up when the Egyptians were trying to cross behind them.”
“Is that what the rabbi taught you?” the father exclaimed.
The boy replied: “Nope! But you’ll never believe the story he did tell us!”
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