Light up your Hanukkah with these Jewish jokes
Some Jewish holidays are sad and somber. Hanukkah is a festive one, full of joy and humor. Illustration by Lipmic/iStockPhoto
By Chanie Kirschner November 27, 2023
The holiday of Hanukkah, the festival of lights, is around the corner. Jewish jokes abound for holidays like Passover, where we scrub our houses from top to bottom, eliciting jokes about bubbies who won’t let their grandchildren step foot in the kitchen, or the guests that left before the actual meal was served because the Seder was just too long.
As it turns out, Hanukkah also has its fair share of Jewish jokes. I remember a cartoon being passed around on social media a few years ago with a husband dreidel talking to his wife dreidel peeking her head out the shower. He grumbled, “You’re still not dry and ready?”
Or the one with Mrs. Potato Head comforting Mr. Potato Head that he wasn’t actually going to be turned into a latke and it was all just a bad dream.
In honor of Hanukkah, here’s a few more jokes that will hopefully bring a little light to your day.
Postal problems
One Hanukkah, the Cohen family decided to sit down together to address their Hanukkah cards. When they were all done, they realized that they didn’t have any stamps. The next morning, Mrs. Cohen went to the post office to mail the cards. When she approached the clerk at the counter and requested stamps, the clerk asked her in what denominations she’d like them.
“Oh my gosh. I can’t believe you’re asking me this,” Mrs. Cohen replied as she rolled her eyes. “I’d like 8 Orthodox, 16 Conservative, and 24 Reform.”
The inside scoop
Ari and Sarah were making sufganiyot (traditional jelly donuts) with their mother. Ari had been waiting for this day for a month so that he could finally eat some of his favorite Hanukkah treat. His mother lined up the fillings on the counter — strawberry jelly, chocolate spread, caramel sauce, and vanilla custard. She turned to Ari and Sarah and asked, “OK, kids, what’s the best thing to put inside a sufganiyah?” Without missing a beat, Ari replied, “Your teeth!”
At arm’s length
One Hanukkah, a young man named Jake was coming to visit his grandmother in her new apartment on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. As he was walking to the door, he called his grandmother on his cellphone.
“Bubbe?” he replied when she answered, “I’m at your building, which apartment are you?”
She responded: “When you get to the front door, buzz up to apartment 7C with your elbow. I’ll buzz you in. Then, use your elbow to open the door, go to the bank of elevators on the right hand side of the building, and press the up arrow with your elbow.” She continued, “When it arrives, go in and use your elbow to press the button for the 7th floor. When you come out of the elevator, find Apt. C and use your elbow to ring the doorbell.”
“But Bubbe,” Jake asked. “Why am I doing this all with my elbow?”
A short pause and then he heard his Bubbe’s voice again through the line.
“Nu, my love, you’re coming empty-handed?”
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