Were these the funniest moments in more than 5,000 years of Jewish history?
Just in time for Purim, Rob Kutner girds his loins to deliver an irreverent history of ‘The Jews’
For Rob Kutner, author of ‘The Jews,’ history could have provided Moses with a few more moments of levity. Courtesy of Rob Kutner
By Dan Friedman March 12, 2025
Five thousand years ago, a nomadic monotheist called Abram wandered out of the Sumerian city of Ur and headed to rural Canaan, inventing Judaism and changing the world forever. Around 2,500 years ago a crypto-Jewish queen managed to save the Jewish community from a genocidal vizier, prompting the celebration of Purim — our most bacchanalian festival. Fifteen years ago, under the guidance of Dan Friedman, radical satiric firebrand Ian Fist founded the Backward to bring American Purim values to the Forward. He hired Rob Kutner from The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, thus revolutionizing online Jewish journalism. Now Kutner has brought it all together in an irreverent history The Jews: 5,000 Years and Counting and Friedman spoke to him about it.
Dan Friedman: What inspired you to write The Jews: 5,000 Years and Counting? Was there a particular moment when you thought, “Jewish history really needs a long-form comedy book”?
Rob Kutner: There’s a famous Talmudic phrase, “Ein kemach, ein Torah” (No bread, no Torah). Basically, someone hired me to do this, but I made it sound rabbinic! I’m not sure how this works for Keto Jews.
On one foot, what’s the funniest moment in Jewish history?
It’s not LOL funny, but there’s an incredible moment of irony in the 18th century involving the young Mayer Rothschild who went on to found the Rothschild banking dynasty. Down and out in Frankfurt, he found a job with a crown prince who made money renting out German mercenaries, the Wagner Group of his time. So at one point in history, a Jewish father came home and told his family, “We’re saved, guys! There’s war in Europe and German soldiers are on the rise!”
What’s the biggest misconception about Jewish history that your book corrects — or at least mocks mercilessly?
It’s odd that I bring this up right after the Rothschilds, but I spend an entire chapter demolishing the idea that Jews have been a historically wealthy, powerful, or even let’s face it, safe people. I make it a competitive sport between different generations as to who had it worse.
You’ve written for The Daily Show, Conan, the Backward and more — how did writing a book about Jewish history compare to writing for late-night TV?
In the case of the Daily Show at least, I’ve gone from trying to please one curmudgeonly Jew to potentially 14 million of them. What have I done!??!
Jewish comedy often plays with suffering and resilience — how did you approach finding humor in some of the darker moments of Jewish history?
One strategy was to mash up the historical tragedy with some other more familiar modern framework, to provide a sense of distance. For example, turning the Spanish Inquisition into a breakup text chain, or the Holocaust into an argument between me and my editor about “how the F do I make this funny, Chief?”
If you could invite any Jewish historical figures to a megillah reading, who would you invite and why?
I’d take that famous Midrash about Moses time-travelling to the time of Rabbi Akiva, and instead divert him to my own shul’s Purim celebrations.
Poor Moses spent most of his post-palace life schlepping through the desert with a bunch of kvetchers. I’d love to see him find his people happy, celebrating, dancing around a scroll instead of an idol, and having just cinematically demolished the main enemy of his time, Amalek. And most of all, not kvetching.
On the other hand, judging from his reaction to the Golden Calf, Moses would have been a mean drunk.
How do you see Jewish humor evolving in today’s world now that racism, antisemitism, and hate are all back in fashion?
SPOILER ALERT: None of these bad forces ever work out for the Jews! Even if some of the liars and racists seem to be fronting like they’re on our side (AHEM: Trump v. Columbia), we Jews know the millennia-long hard-won lesson: “Don’t get too cozy with power.” After all, remember what happened to the generation after Joseph became VP of Egypt? If you don’t, we’ve got a holiday in about 5 weeks for that.
So to my mind, Jewish humor will continue to have the same function it always has: talking truth to power, questioning institutions, criticizing trends, and subverting the culinary use of mayonnaise.
Is there a piece of Jewish wisdom or mordant wit that you live by?
I always think of Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, saying, “on the one hand, on the other hand, on the third hand…” If you’re Jewish there’s always another hand to look at things from. Although, especially if you are looking at things three times, I recommend using your eyes instead.
Did you learn anything surprising about Jewish history while researching the book?
I knew there were “Lost Tribe Jews” who spread out across to the far corners of the world, but I had no idea what kinds of things they ended up doing and creating. One was a warrior-king who started an independent Jewish state in the middle of Africa. One was a professional skeptic who wrote 200 “proofs there is no God.” One was a sorceress!
If you had to summarize 5,000 years of Jewish history in a single joke, what would it be?
I always think of the instruction in the Torah to eat the Pesach meal “with our loins girded” i.e. be prepared to flee. It encapsulates our perennial fate, and also contains the word “loins.”
“The Jews: 5,000 Years and Counting” by Rob Kutner is available from Simon and Schuster for $18, because y’know 18 is lucky chai.
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