‘I’m gutted’: Doug Emhoff grieves at hostage memorial
Second gentleman Doug Emhoff speaks at National Vigil for the Hostages at Adas Israel Congregation Sept. 3. Courtesy of Adas Israel screenshot
By Lauren Markoe September 3, 2024
At a memorial service for the hostages killed by Hamas days before, second gentleman Doug Emhoff Tuesday spoke more personally with the American Jewish community than he perhaps ever had.
“This is hard. This is raw. I’m gutted,” he said, pausing at one point to maintain his composure. “I stand before you, yes, as the second gentleman of the United States and the first Jewish principal ever in the White House. But in this moment, I’m here as a fellow congregant, a fellow mourner, and as a Jew who feels connected to all of you.”
Emhoff, the husband of Vice President Kamala Harris, the Democratic presidential nominee, addressed thousands at what was billed as the National Vigil for the Hostages at Adas Israel Congregation in Washington, D.C. It memorialized California-born Hersh Goldberg-Polin, perhaps the most well-known of the hostages thanks to his parents’ efforts to free him, and the five other hostages killed by Hamas last week. Emhoff spoke of his angst over their deaths and the continued captivity of more than 100 other hostages — four of them Americans — and how he conveys these feelings to Harris, not only as the vice president “but as my wife.”
Emhoff said Hamas’ leaders will “pay for these crimes,” and shouted “bring them home now!”
He praised Rachel and John Polin-Goldberg’s speech at the Democratic National Convention last month. They spoke not only of their son, but of “the horrific and documented sexual violence, the hostages, Americans, Israelis and others, Jews and non-Jews who are still being held to this day.” Emhoff said. “Think about that. After nearly 11 months of being consumed by this hell, they were somehow clear eyed enough to understand that there were many others out there who don’t know this story, and even worse, those who don’t believe it.”
The @SeconGentleman at a vigil tonight, comforting a community in mourning and pain right now - his own community:
— Shelley Greenspan (@ShelleyGspan) September 4, 2024
“I must be direct. This is hard, this is raw. I'm gutted.”
“In this moment, I'm here as a fellow congregant, fellow mourner and as a Jew connected to all of you.” pic.twitter.com/64pUHlVypj
He also spoke of his own “faith journey,” guided by the synagogue’s senior rabbis, Aaron Alexander and Lauren Holtzblatt.
The more than 90-minute service at the Conservative synagogue also featured a tearful eulogy from the Texas cousin of Carmel Gat, one of the hostages killed alongside Goldberg-Polin, and remarks from American Jewish Committee CEO Ted Deutch, who said he felt a lack of “urgency” over efforts to secure justice for the hostages. “It is agonizing to say this,” he said, “but it feels painfully as though Jewish lives are being valued less by many in America and by too many in the international community.”
The service, attended by Israeli Ambassador Michael Herzog, followed two days of massive protests in Israel to call for an end the hostage crisis. The program ended with the singing of the Israeli national anthem and a recitation of the Jewish prayer for the dead.
Video of the service
Emhoff’s remarks in full
Thank you to the many leaders who are here tonight, from AJC, ADL, JCRC, Federation, Washington Hebrew, and all the others who are here, including the families who I had the honor of meeting with earlier tonight. It is thanks in part to the help of these organizations and many others that we have a national strategy to combat antisemitism. So thank you all for that, and that effort is even more urgent today than it was when we announced it in May of 2023. It is good to actually be together tonight, together as a community. There’s comfort in community. But standing on this bima, I must be direct. This is hard. This is raw. I’m gutted, and I know you all are too.
I have not been able to stop thinking about Hersh and his parents and your families, the other families, the five other victims and their families. I stand before you, yes, as the second gentleman of the United States and the first Jewish principal ever in the White House. But in this moment, I’m here as a fellow congregant, a fellow mourner, and as a Jew who feels connected to all of you and is grateful for the guidance of our wonderful rabbis, Lauren and Aaron. They have really become confidants to me, advisors. We’ve talked a lot about my own faith journey, and it’s something that Kamala has really pushed me and encouraged me to follow. And among the many things that Aaron and Lauren have helped me find was my voice. And I, at this moment, in light of the re-traumatizing of the tragedy of the weekend, speaking here — even though it’s so hard to do — this is a way that I can use that voice.
The vice president and I spoke this weekend to Hersh’s parents, Rachel and John. It was not the first time we had spoken to them. She had met with them several times, and I had just seen them at the convention. But this call, of course, was different. I wish you all could have heard that call. Been on that call with us. We tried to use words to express our condolences, but those words were just not enough. We talked about the same Hersh that you just heard Rachel talked about [in her eulogy for her son, replayed at the memorial before Emhoff spoke.] That’s how she talked about Hersh to us on that phone call, as a son, as a brother, and just who you saw — a joyful young man.
But their souls were torn apart, just like the garments we tear in mourning. And yet, with this unspeakable tragedy that they were going through, they were actually comforting us on the call if you can believe that. I know you can. Knowing John and Rachel, they were comforting us, but also asking about the latest in the negotiations. They were asking how we can use this terrible moment to make progress on the deal. And they told the vice president in no uncertain terms, they do not want Hersh’s death to be in vain. They spoke with such grace, such compassion, such strength. Even though part of Rachel and John’s world it just ended, they were somehow still looking forward and looking out for others.
The president and vice president have said Hamas is responsible for killing in cold blood, execution style, Hersh, Ori [Danino], Carmel [Gat], Alex [Lobanov], Almog [Sarusi], Eden [Yerushalmi] and too many others. And Hamas’ leaders will pay for these crimes.
You’ve all seen the pieces of tape that Rachel and John have been wearing over their hearts throughout this dark year. At Hersh’s funeral yesterday, they still wore the tape marking the number of days the hostages had been in captivity. That was 332. I saw that and thought, that count was never about their son alone. As you can see, as the world has seen, John and Rachel’s hearts have room to hold everyone. They are not giving up, and neither can we not on this 333rd day, not ever — not until every hostage is reunited with their family.
Why? Why does Hershey’s loss feel so personal to all of us? It’s because Rachel and John made sure we all knew him, as well the way that they knew him. Just like they made sure we knew him on our phone call this past weekend. In relating their love for their son over and over again, in reliving their pain in every place and platform that they could, they planted their love for Hersch in all of us. And something we saw in so many stories from that tragic day. It’s the love of parents. It’s the love of families and the strength of families. And we heard that earlier today from our speakers. And there’s so many stories, stories like the grandfather who drove hours to rescue his son, children who are hiding in a bomb shelter. There were more stories of sacrifice as we know, that we just heard, that ended differently.
But it’s that love. It’s that love multiplied. It’s what makes our community who we are, and it’s what makes our community strong. How you all feel right now is how I feel. And how we all feel is something that Kamala hears directly from me almost each and every day. Every time something terrible happens, when it’s devastating again, I share what I’m feeling with Kamala as my partner, as my wife — not just as our vice president. She knows. She gets it. She cares. She’s committed. Hersh’s loss feels so personal to the two of us, just like it feels to all of you. And we were both grieving.
Many of you saw Rachel and John speak to the country last month at the convention in their hometown of Chicago. As they were preparing for that moment, they wanted to tell the story of Hersh’s heroism, the peace that he believed in, the friends he defended during the attack, the seven grenades that he threw out of the bomb shelter until the eighth one killed his best friend and took his hand. But here’s the thing. That’s not all they wanted to say on the national stage. Even as they shared the story of their only son, they also felt an obligation to tell the stories and the numbers of Oct. 7 to those who might not have already known them — the innocent, peace-loving festival goers at Nova, the horrific and documented sexual violence, the hostages, Americans, Israelis and others, Jews and non-Jews who are still being held to this day.
Think about that. After nearly 11 months of being consumed by this hell, they were somehow clear eyed enough to understand that there were many others out there who don’t know this story, and even worse, those who don’t believe it.
In our community, what happened on Oct. 7 and beyond is seared into our souls. We think about the attacks and the victims and the hostages every day. If I just say “Nova,” if I just say “the tunnels,””Hersh,” — you know exactly what I mean. No further descriptions are necessary. So what Rachel and John know is that unless we tell this story again and again, we have no hope of never again. As Aaron and Lauren can tell you better than I can, bearing witness is a fundamental chorus of Judaism, from Mount Sinai to the Passover Seder, to the Holocaust to Oct. 7. Hamas’ cold-blooded execution of six hostages, including an American citizen who could have been so close to coming home, reminds us that the trauma of Oct. 7 has still not gone away.
The time to bring them home is now!
This is why the president and vice president, the administration, are working around the clock to get the deal done. And I don’t know that I would be as strong as John and Rachel if I was in their shoes. But right now we all need to find that strength. Thank you for the opportunity to share this experience with you, to mourn with you, to pray alongside you for the return of the hostages and to honor all of those that we’ve lost.
May their memories be a blessing, may their deaths never be in vain, and may we all know peace soon. Thank you so much.
A message from our CEO & publisher Rachel Fishman Feddersen
I hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, I’d like to ask you to please support the Forward’s award-winning, nonprofit journalism during this critical time.
Now more than ever, American Jews need independent news they can trust, with reporting driven by truth, not ideology. We serve you, not any ideological agenda.
At a time when other newsrooms are closing or cutting back, the Forward has removed its paywall and invested additional resources to report on the ground from Israel and around the U.S. on the impact of the war, rising antisemitism and the protests on college campuses.
Readers like you make it all possible. Support our work by becoming a Forward Member and connect with our journalism and your community.
— Rachel Fishman Feddersen, Publisher and CEO
