Bintel Brief: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach Tackles a Conversion Conundrum

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Dear Rabbi Boteach,

Thirty-plus years ago I converted to Judaism; this has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life.

I have a troubled relationship with my brother and his wife; religion is among the many differences my wife and I have with them. We’ve reached a reasonable, arm’s-length relationship. For business reasons my brother and sister-in-law moved halfway across the country; their son still lives in the same city with us. A few years ago my nephew married. Our new niece comes from an intensely family-oriented culture; because we live in the same city, they have initiated a close relationship with my wife and me. We have no children of our own, so our new relationship has been an unexpected joy for us. My wife and our niece have become particularly close.

Recently our niece announced that if they have children, they want to raise the children as Jews. I felt honored, humbled and horrified at this. This seems to be more a hypothetical than a real prospect, but one can never tell.

How should we react? I am extremely honored that they find our religion compelling, but this brings a whole new meaning to “converting for the sake of the children,” since neither of them have any connection to Judaism other than through us. I have told my niece that if she wants to raise the children as Jews, she would have to convert and make a Jewish home. No rabbi would convert a kid with no Jewish heritage living in a non-Jewish home. She has indicated that that would be acceptable, but I don’t see any serious interest or movement in that direction.

If they found our religion compelling for themselves, I would be extremely pleased. But it seems almost as if raising a hypothetical child as Jewish would be a way to get us to share in parental duties, and to give their child access to a culture that they admire but show no great interest in for themselves. If they were to go through with this, it would not be a decision accepted with any joy by my brother and sister-in-law. I’m sure they would see this as our appropriating their son and his family.

I should add that we have not been proselytizing. They see that we go to shul most Saturday mornings, they have come to two of our Seders, she has come to shul with us once to see my wife leyn Torah. But we have never indicated to them that they would be more precious to us if they were Jewish.

Should we actively discourage them from this notion? Or should we just hope the issue never arises?


Rabbi Shmuley Boteach replies:

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is the host of The Learning Channel’s “Shalom in the Home” and the author of numerous books, including “Kosher Sex,” “Kosher Adultery,” “Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments” and “Judaism for Everyone.”

Send a letter to the Bintel Brief at To read other installments of the Bintel Brief, click here.

Bintel Brief: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach Tackles a Conversion Conundrum

Your Comments

The Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. All readers can browse the comments, and all Forward subscribers can add to the conversation. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Forward requires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not and will be deleted. Egregious commenters or repeat offenders will be banned from commenting. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and the Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.

Recommend this article

Bintel Brief: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach Tackles a Conversion Conundrum

Thank you!

This article has been sent!