A (Slap-Free) Lesson About Becoming a Woman
Gabi’s post was my first exposure to the “menstrual slap.” But now I’m kind of wishing that I’d been thwacked by my mother, too. It’s not actually the slap I’m after, rather, at 12 or 13 I would have benefited from making a direct connection between being a woman and being a Jew.
Rather than the minhag, my mother gave me a big, teary hug. This was a gift, (lately much has been made of touches), and how much they mean) and in her embrace, I felt drawn to something long-established and greater than myself. At that moment, womanhood seemed to trump Jewishness.
My red message came after a long car trip. Each year, my family drove eight hours from our home in Georgia to New Orleans to celebrate Christmas with my now-Jewish father’s devout Catholic family. Mom made it clear that this was not our holiday; we lit our menorah in a corner at sunset. Our car pulled into my aunt and uncle’s driveway, and I sprinted towards the bathroom with a toddling female cousin on my heels. When I finally realized what had happened, she was still oblivious, listing the gifts she’d asked Santa for that year.
My early lessons of Jewish womanhood were subtler than a slap in the face. Jewish women project an openness in relationship to their bodies, and though my mother told me many things, this was something she showed me instead.
I saw the contrast with one particular friend who regularly pilfered my tampons each time she slept over. That’s because she was too terrified to tell her mother that she had gotten her period, a mindset I couldn’t understand. The Jewish women I knew talked about bodies and their many functions; we were proud, not ashamed.
Maybe there are no clear explanations for many Jewish rituals — from the popular to the obscure — but they work like thread to bind our people, to thrust us forward with shared meaning, and to keep us alive. And though I felt no slap, I learned a quiet confidence, and an acceptance of the body.
This is a moment of great uncertainty. Here’s what you can do about it.
We hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, we’d like to ask you to please support the Forward’s independent Jewish news this Passover. All donations are being matched by the Forward Board - up to $100,000.
This is a moment of great uncertainty for the news media, for the Jewish people, and for our sacred democracy. It is a time of confusion and declining trust in public institutions. An era in which we need humans to report facts, conduct investigations that hold power to account, tell stories that matter and share honest discourse on all that divides us.
With no paywall or subscriptions, the Forward is entirely supported by readers like you. Every dollar you give this Passover is invested in the future of the Forward — and telling the American Jewish story fully and fairly.
The Forward doesn’t rely on funding from institutions like governments or your local Jewish federation. There are thousands of readers like you who give us $18 or $36 or $100 each month or year.
Support our mission to tell the Jewish story fully and fairly.
