Why Women Must Stop Saying ‘I’m Sorry’
Earlier this week, I stumbled upon a blog post written by a woman who said that, at the all-girls Orthodox day school she had attended, she was taught to never ask a question or make a comment without preceding it with an apology. Regrettably, I can no longer find that particular post, but similar sentiments are expressed by a blogger at Glamour.com.
While I was never specifically taught to apologize before asking a question or commenting on something, the behavior was undoubtedly ingrained in me during the time I lived with my father after my mother died. Back then, it seemed that each remark or question was an imposition and could potentially require an apology, so it was just best to start with one. The practice quickly spread to my social life. And nearly 12 years later, it still persists, although to a lesser degree.
It is only now, as I watch other women practice the same behavior, that I realize how much it undercuts what intelligent and inquisitive women have to contribute to conversations and debates. It instantly changes what a woman conveys, regardless of how articulate what she says after the apology might be, according to this article in the Wall Street Journal. The words and thoughts become less valid to the listener and over time, consciously or subconsciously, to the speaker as well.
Generations of women before us have worked tirelessly and shouted over the din to be heard. And now that the world is listening, we ought to speak up – sans apology.
The Forward is free to read, but it isn’t free to produce

I hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, I’d like to ask you to please support the Forward.
Now more than ever, American Jews need independent news they can trust, with reporting driven by truth, not ideology. We serve you, not any ideological agenda.
At a time when other newsrooms are closing or cutting back, the Forward has removed its paywall and invested additional resources to report on the ground from Israel and around the U.S. on the impact of the war, rising antisemitism and polarized discourse.
This is a great time to support independent Jewish journalism you rely on. Make a gift today!
— Rachel Fishman Feddersen, Publisher and CEO
Support our mission to tell the Jewish story fully and fairly.
Most Popular
- 1
Opinion The dangerous Nazi legend behind Trump’s ruthless grab for power
- 2
Opinion A Holocaust perpetrator was just celebrated on US soil. I think I know why no one objected.
- 3
Culture Did this Jewish literary titan have the right idea about Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling after all?
- 4
Opinion I first met Netanyahu in 1988. Here’s how he became the most destructive leader in Israel’s history.
In Case You Missed It
-
Culture I have seen the future of America — in a pastrami sandwich in Queens
-
Culture Trump wants to honor Hannah Arendt in a ‘Garden of American Heroes.’ Is this a joke?
-
Opinion Gaza and Trump have left the Jewish community at war with itself — and me with a bad case of alienation
-
Fast Forward Trump administration restores student visas, but impact on pro-Palestinian protesters is unclear
-
Shop the Forward Store
100% of profits support our journalism
Republish This Story
Please read before republishing
We’re happy to make this story available to republish for free, unless it originated with JTA, Haaretz or another publication (as indicated on the article) and as long as you follow our guidelines.
You must comply with the following:
- Credit the Forward
- Retain our pixel
- Preserve our canonical link in Google search
- Add a noindex tag in Google search
See our full guidelines for more information, and this guide for detail about canonical URLs.
To republish, copy the HTML by clicking on the yellow button to the right; it includes our tracking pixel, all paragraph styles and hyperlinks, the author byline and credit to the Forward. It does not include images; to avoid copyright violations, you must add them manually, following our guidelines. Please email us at [email protected], subject line “republish,” with any questions or to let us know what stories you’re picking up.