Bintel Brief: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach Says Self-Satisfaction ‘Is Not the Solution’

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Dear Rabbi Boteach,

The issue that I need help with is as follows: I have been married for two years, and my wife complains that I don’t last long enough. Now, it has reached a point where she doesn’t want to have sex anymore because she says it’s not worth her while.

I realize that I may have a premature ejaculation problem, but I don’t know how to cure it. She suggests that I masturbate say an hour or two beforehand so that I will last longer during the act, but this seems problematic to me from a halachic point of view. On the other hand, one has to satisfy his wife, too. This has led to tension between us as she says I am choosing halachic doctrines over her, etc.

Are there leniencies in cases such as this? Are there other methods of solving the problem? What advice or help can you offer?

I have read some of your books and think it’s great that you have written about such topics. It’s truly difficult to speak to a “regular” rabbi about these issues.

Thanks in advance.


Rabbi Boteach replies:

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is the host of The Learning Channel’s “Shalom in the Home” and the author of numerous books, including “Kosher Sex,” “Kosher Adultery,” “Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments” and “Judaism for Everyone.”

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Bintel Brief: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach Says Self-Satisfaction ‘Is Not the Solution’

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