Skip To Content
JEWISH. INDEPENDENT. NONPROFIT.
Back to Opinion

Israel-Palestine Partisan Rhetoric Is Like Mad Libs

Comment boards for any article pertaining to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict can prove perilous. No matter who is badmouthing who as a bloodthirsty, racist terrorist, the partisans on both sides, while repeating tired lines ad nauseam, ironically employ the same exact rhetoric — with the exception of a few words and phrases. It’s a lot like Mad Libs, but instead of completing sentences to say “poopy cats like to eat Tabasco Sauce before going to fart fairs,” the partisan mad libbers launch ad hominem attacks in a quest to dehumanize the other.

Inspired by the comments on sites like Breitbart, the Jerusalem Post, The Times Of Israel, Mondoweiss, and The Forward itself, we present “Israel-Palestine Partisan Mad Libs,” with each side’s stock answers in italics:

Israel-Palestine Partisan Mad Libs

It is impossible to live with (Zionists/ Arabs). The record proves this — look at (Deir Yassin/ Morocco), or (Umm al-Hiran/ East Jerusalem under Jordanian occupation) or any of the other times they’ve committed Lebensraum. And even if they let others “stay,” their religion, their entire culture demands the (gentile/ nonbeliever) be treated as second-class.

The fact of the matter is any offer to negotiate from these (Zionazis/Nazis) is a blatant sham, a trojan horse. They want to push ALL the (Arabs/ Jews) into the sea. They aren’t willing to settle. You have to understand that (Zionists/ Arabs) are like cancer. You can’t simply “contain” (Zionists/ Arabs) in one area. They will spread like locusts across our sacred fields, consuming everything in their path. It’s in their nature. (Europe and America/ The rest of the Middle East) wasn’t enough for them and their violent offspring. They want EVERYTHING — and their co-conspirators in (America / the United Nations) are glad to make it happen, with their (Rothschild/ jihadist) bankrollers footing the blood-soaked bill.

But the greatest travesty of all is how these (Zionists/ Arabs) so cravenly lie in their attempts to cleanse (Palestine/ Israel) of its true indigenous people. The truth is there were no (Zionists/ Arabs) in (Palestine/ Israel) 150 years ago. All of them came from (Europe/ other parts of the Middle East). Mostly all of these (“Jews”/ “Palestinians”) were actually (Khazar converts to Judaism/ Egyptians and Jordanians) that had no ancestral connection to (Palestine/ Israel), let alone (Al Aqsa/ The Temple Mount). Their descendants are mere squatters who kill by any means and lie with the (gun/ knife) in their hands.

The world needs to wake up before it’s too late, before the (Zionists/ Arabs) carry out their grand plans and implement one final solution. The (Zionists/ Arabs) smell blood, and they grab the first opportunity to rape and kill when no one’s looking. Unfortunately, the media and the world is too blinded by their hatred of (Palestinans/ Jews) to reveal the (Zionists’/ Arabs’) true intentions and actions displayed in plain sight. This perverse society even names its streets and buildings after terrorists. (Shlomo Ben-Yosef, Orde Wingate, Eliyahu Hakim, / Dalal Mughrabi, Muhannad Halabi, Abu Jihad) — I can go on and on listing the monsters these (fascists/ terrorist sympathizers) openly admire. And don’t forget their worship of the likes of (Ben Gurion and Yitzhak Shamir/ Arafat and the Grand Mufti) who (ethnically cleansed Palestine/ instilled anti-Semitism among the masses). The tree’s rotten from the apple down to its very roots.

(Zionists/ Arabs) don’t celebrate life. They thrive on death. Their existence is (racism/ anti-Semitism). Open your eyes! Smell the roses! It’s time to put an end to the pleasantries and negotiations rubbish. If we don’t remove the (Zionists/ Arabs) soon, it will be too late.

(Free Palestine/ Am Yisrael Chai)!

Steven Davidson is an editorial fellow at The Forward.

I hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, I’d like to ask you to please support the Forward’s award-winning, nonprofit journalism during this critical time.

Now more than ever, American Jews need independent news they can trust, with reporting driven by truth, not ideology. We serve you, not any ideological agenda.

At a time when other newsrooms are closing or cutting back, the Forward has removed its paywall and invested additional resources to report on the ground from Israel and around the U.S. on the impact of the war, rising antisemitism and the protests on college campuses.

Readers like you make it all possible. Support our work by becoming a Forward Member and connect with our journalism and your community.

Make a gift of any size and become a Forward member today. You’ll support our mission to tell the American Jewish story fully and fairly. 

— Rachel Fishman Feddersen, Publisher and CEO

Join our mission to tell the Jewish story fully and fairly.

Republish This Story

Please read before republishing

We’re happy to make this story available to republish for free, unless it originated with JTA, Haaretz or another publication (as indicated on the article) and as long as you follow our guidelines. You must credit the Forward, retain our pixel and preserve our canonical link in Google search.  See our full guidelines for more information, and this guide for detail about canonical URLs.

To republish, copy the HTML by clicking on the yellow button to the right; it includes our tracking pixel, all paragraph styles and hyperlinks, the author byline and credit to the Forward. It does not include images; to avoid copyright violations, you must add them manually, following our guidelines. Please email us at [email protected], subject line “republish,” with any questions or to let us know what stories you’re picking up.

We don't support Internet Explorer

Please use Chrome, Safari, Firefox, or Edge to view this site.