A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Temple Mount

Author Finds It Hard To Conceal His Jewishness

Occupying His Territory: Tuvia Tenenbom makes his way back from the Al-Aqsa mosque.
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Occupying His Territory: Tuvia Tenenbom makes his way back from the Al-Aqsa mosque.

By Tuvia Tenenbom

Published November 11, 2013, issue of November 15, 2013.
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I stared at him as if he had just offended my most precious religious feelings. He looked at me, not sure what kind of creature I was, and went to discuss the matter in Hebrew with his colleague.

They discussed between themselves who I could be, and decided: Half Muslim, half Christian.

They pointed for me the way. Via Dolorosa.

“But I am a Muslim, on both sides of the family!” I protested.

“Show me your passport,” the cop said, softening up.

I hadn’t brought a passport.

“Via Dolorosa!”

Having no choice, I continued the way of the old Jew until I reach the gate of the infidels, and finally I entered.

It’s beautiful inside my new Holy Shrine, an amazing square surrounded by trees and sands, like a spacious dream forest. I never knew there was so much empty real estate in the Old City.

I mingled with my new co-believers, and after every few steps I spotted a sign in Arabic: Spitting forbidden. I’m not sure why there is a need for so many signs forbidding the act of spitting.

After 11 a.m. passed, I successfully evaded the Israeli police, who by that time had cleared the area of all infidels.

I kept on walking, enjoying my new status, when suddenly an Arab guard caught up with me and yelled: “Out of here!”

This man did not even ask me for the Fatiha. He chased me out as if I were a Christian.


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