After I was mercifully saved from the bourgeois enjoyment of a sailing trip off the Horn of Africa in 2008 by the merciful boats of the Navy of Wadiya, I spent several months lying prostrate at the doors of a Wadiyan palace hoping that the then Colonel-General Aladeen would release me.
In early 2010 he deigned to lean out of the door and cover me in the divine mouth-water that meant I would be free to leave as soon as my family sent him a Mercedes Benz S600 and a copy of Lil Wayne’s “Rebirth.” So it was with great personal fondness that I submitted a few questions to him via the intimate medium of email.
Dan Friedman: The peoples of Egypt and Tunisia rose up against their very own rulers. What can dictators do about the Arab spring?
Colonel-General Aladeen: I think that the Arab Spring is a passing fad, like the Atkins diet, or human rights, and you’ll find that pretty soon it will turn into the Crackdown Summer, Torture Fall and Execution Winter. But you know the Arab Spring could have been avoided. I told Mubarak a thousand times: “If you get Wi-Fi in your palace, put a f**king password on it. The people will start using it.”