Queer Jewish Women Need to Create Their Own Spaces

Illustration by Lior Zaltzman
In a recent piece on The Sisterhood, J.E. Reich writes that there is a lack of safe spaces for queer Jewish women particularly in New York City. She attributes this to silence of the mainstream community to create space for us. I disagree with the idea that we need Jewish organizations to open the door to us.
We need to open our own doors.
Reich makes the point that the mainstream Jewish organization are in need of better tools and resources for LGBTQ inclusion. I don’t believe that change will happen even with the best toolbox. If you want to feel included in an organization, you have to join it. Queer Jewish women need to show up and keep showing up. We can’t wait for the doors to be opened, we have to go out and open them.
When I first walked into my Conservative synagogue a few years ago, I was terrified I would not be accepted. I worried my lack of traditional feminine dress would turn people off. But it didn’t and as I kept showing up week after week, I made friends, joined committees and enrolled my child in the religious school. They accepted me, just as I am. Now even with my buzz cut and wingtips, I am not only welcomed, I welcome others as a greeter. After reading Reich’s article, I am glad that I live in Washington, DC, where we have a rich and thriving queer Jewish community. Five years ago, I became the director of the Nice Jewish Girls, a decade old independent social group exclusively for lesbians, bisexual and transgender Jews. I took over from the group’s founder, Denise Gold, who started with nothing more than an idea and a yahoo listserv. Reich suggests that the reason Jewish lesbians don’t start our own groups is a “silence” from the mainstream Jewish community. Denise did not ask for permission to create the Nice Jewish Girls she took action with with a clear goal in mind.
In a lot of ways our grassroots beginning has been the key to success. Our longevity is because we are independent of a maternal organization. We have consistently rejected the idea of accepting fiscal sponsorship or becoming part of a larger foundation. We are not a 503 (c), we don’t have a budget, a paid staff, or office space. We cherish our independence and would not cede that ground to an external board of directors. Reich also refers to the “invisibility” of the mainstream Jewish world towards the queer community and its failure to fully embrace us. But my experience has been completely different. NJG undertook a project last year, to bring mainstream Jewish groups to the DC Pride festival. The response was overwhelming. In the end we had more synagogues and non-profits who wanted to come than space available.
I recently spoke to Idit Klein, Executive Director at Keshet, about how receptive the Jewish mainstream community is to LGBTQ social programming. “When we first started doing this work in the early 2000s, it was exceedingly rare for a mainstream Jewish institutions to be interested in cosponsoring a queer Shabbat or supporting any kind of social event exclusively for LGBTQ Jews.” But now, “There are many LGBTQ community events that mainstream Jewish institutions are glad to cosponsor with us.” While I appreciate Reich’s point of view, creating a community does not come from permission, it comes from action. Now is the time to create a social group where you live. Gather your Jewish lesbian friends and make a standing dinner or happy hour. It is the little acts of connection that make a visible thriving community.
And if Reich is still looking for a nice Jewish girl, I can totally hook her up here in DC .
The Forward is free to read, but it isn’t free to produce

I hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, I’d like to ask you to please support the Forward.
At a time when other newsrooms are closing or cutting back, the Forward has removed its paywall and invested additional resources to report on the ground from Israel and around the U.S. on the impact of the war, rising antisemitism and polarized discourse.
Readers like you make it all possible. We’ve started our Passover Fundraising Drive, and we need 1,800 readers like you to step up to support the Forward by April 21. Members of the Forward board are even matching the first 1,000 gifts, up to $70,000.
This is a great time to support independent Jewish journalism, because every dollar goes twice as far.
— Rachel Fishman Feddersen, Publisher and CEO
2X match on all Passover gifts!
Most Popular
- 1
Film & TV What Gal Gadot has said about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict
- 2
News A Jewish Republican and Muslim Democrat are suddenly in a tight race for a special seat in Congress
- 3
Culture How two Jewish names — Kohen and Mira — are dividing red and blue states
- 4
Opinion Mike Huckabee said there’s ‘no such thing as a Palestinian.’ It’s worth thinking about what that means
In Case You Missed It
-
Fast Forward The NCAA men’s Final Four has 3 Jewish coaches
-
Fast Forward Yarden Bibas says ‘I am here because of Trump’ and pleads with him to stop the Gaza war
-
Fast Forward Trump’s plan to enlist Elon Musk began at Lubavitcher Rebbe’s grave
-
Film & TV In this Jewish family, everybody needs therapy — especially the therapists themselves
-
Shop the Forward Store
100% of profits support our journalism
Republish This Story
Please read before republishing
We’re happy to make this story available to republish for free, unless it originated with JTA, Haaretz or another publication (as indicated on the article) and as long as you follow our guidelines.
You must comply with the following:
- Credit the Forward
- Retain our pixel
- Preserve our canonical link in Google search
- Add a noindex tag in Google search
See our full guidelines for more information, and this guide for detail about canonical URLs.
To republish, copy the HTML by clicking on the yellow button to the right; it includes our tracking pixel, all paragraph styles and hyperlinks, the author byline and credit to the Forward. It does not include images; to avoid copyright violations, you must add them manually, following our guidelines. Please email us at [email protected], subject line “republish,” with any questions or to let us know what stories you’re picking up.