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The Schmooze

How to Wear Hanukkah Swag Without Offending Anyone

♫ On the first day of Hanukkah my true love gave to me, a dreidel with a stripper on top.♫

Not even two weeks after the offensive , we have entered the Hanukkah season minefield.

As if Jewish women don’t deal with enough stereotypes, a novelty item just sprinkled some salt on the wound. According to Kveller Nordstrom was forced to take down a Hanukkah sweater with the words “Chai Maintenance” and “Hanukkah J.A.P.” embroidered next to a Star of David and a menorah from their website.

Unsurprisingly, the male version of the novelty top just featured a cute “Oy Vey,” adding the kitsch without any of the negative spoiled/rich/brat connotation.

Image by Kveller

All this had us thinking — what other crazy Hanukkah swag is out there in the world of online retailers?

Here’s what we found:

As soon as Seth Rogen’s “The Night Before” hits theaters, this star-knit-wonder will be at every Ugly Holiday party come December.

Image by Night Before

You can have a little “Annie Hall” Woody Allen action going on for eight crazy nights.

Image by Screenshot: Tipsy Elves

What? No, just no.

Image by Screenshot: Zazzle

Step 1: Crown Heights sweater. Step 2: Monsey, New Square and Williamsburg?

Image by Screenshot: Amazon

See, you can look like a schmuck without being a schmuck!

Image by Screenshot: Amazon

We’re not going to lie, this is really cute.

Image by Screenshot: Amazon

Whoever designed this sweater: the Jerk Store called, they’re running out of you!

Image by Screenshot: Zazzle

Can we all agree right now to never, ever, ever buy this?

Image by Screenshot: Amazon

The only thing offensive about this is the searing pain it causes our eyes. Otherwise, go for it!

Image by Screenshot: Amazon

Everything about this T-shirt is amazing. May the Schwartz be with you!

Image by Screenshot: Etsy

This reindeer might be confusing Hanukkah with Rosh Hashanah, but thanks for the good wishes either way!

Image by Screenshot: Amazon

Hanukkah Harry agrees.

Image by Screenshot: Amazon

Subtly festive.

Image by Screenshot: Zazzle

Keep warm with an appropriate sweater and Happy Hanukkah!

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