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The Schmooze

Mayim Bialik’s Passover Plan Is Insanely Organized

Fresh off last week’s viral video takedown of men who call adult women “girls,” “The Big Bang Theory” star and Ph.D. neuroscientist Mayim Bialik gave the world another lesson yesterday — the importance of planning for Passover with military precision and rainbow sticky notes.

Her schedule, which resembles a fully diagramed LSAT logic problem, includes plans for cooking and cleaning as well as searching for and burning chametz. It helpfully organizes task by location and lists candle-lighting times to the minute. Bialik captioned an Instagram picture of her itinerary: “Shout out to all of the women (and men!?) out there making crazy-tush charts and lists like this right now #pesach2017 #passoverisalotofwork #itsbasicallypsringcleaning #foryoursoul #freedomfromwhateverbindsus.”

This has left us, in true Seder spirit, with more questions than answers.

  1. Why is this chart different from other charts? It appears to be some kind of hybrid chart/calendar/list/graph/contemporary art piece. It is color-coded and employs at least two types of sticky notes, two pens, a set of markers, and graph paper. Should fans of Bialik who are not trained neuroscientists attempt such ambitious chart-making?

  2. Does Mayim Bialik sell her chametz? According to the chart, on Saturday, April 8th she will “Tie Up Cupboards” — insinuating that these cupboards contain gloriously leavened food. To whom does she sell it? Do various members of “The Big Bang Theory” cast take turns buying it? Do they haggle humorously over the metaphysical nature of chametz sales, or has that joke grown tired after 10 seasons? Do they use the flames from biur chametz as ersatz bunsen burners?

  3. Did Mayim Bialik invent the term “crazy-tush”?

  4. What is proud vegan Bialik serving as the main dish at her seder? Her chart reveals plans to make charoset, beet relish, something called “artichoke bottoms”, mock liver, casseroles both eggplant and leek, matzoh balls, eggplant salad, cherry bites, and, enigmatically, “soup”. None of these really scream “entree”. Will Bialik’s guests balk at the fact that an Ashkenazi vegan passover meal means enduring two dishes featuring eggplant? If they do, will she respond via-Youtube video?

  5. How did Mayim Bialik learn how to write such an impressive Hebrew-cursive tsadee sofit? Her chart includes four of them, each flawlessly executed.

  6. When will #freedomfromwhateverbindsus take off on social media?

The day after posting her pre-Pesach plans, Bialik added an image of a homemade apple pie. Like so many of us, she appears to be pre-gaming Passover with as much chametz as possible. Modern Orthodox Feminist TV Stars: They’re Just Like Us.

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