The Celebrity Perv Apology Generator Is Up And Running
Image by iStock
It might be time for celebrity public relations specialists to start browsing Indeed.com for new jobs because EW correspondent Dana Schwartz has just published their playbook. In her new website, the Celebrity Perv Apology Generator, Schwartz comes up with apologies for every conceivable form of celebrity sexual misdemeanor, from ‘I do not remember the 2009 Golden Globes’ to ‘I am quitting Twitter because people do not like me anymore.’
In olden times, immediately following the publication of a celebrity’s sexual indiscretions, there would be three rejuvenating months spent at an exclusive spa in Dubai, followed by the writing of an op-ed in a respectable newspaper with an ambitious editor about how regretful they were and possibly are, before the shamed celebrity might be allowed to attend a pre-Oscars fete once more. But now there is now a way for celebrities to crowdsource the requisite public groveling they must do before eventually being accepted back into the arms of the public.
Having go-to protocol in place during these dire times, and an appropriate swerve saved in one’s notes app for Twitter emergencies, will standardize the Celebrity Public Atonement Process and make it easier for any maestro of personal branding to proceed on the race to the moral high ground, faster, and with even more determination.
Thank you, Dana Schwartz! Everyone from C-list R&B singers to A-list prestige television actors really owe you one for this.
Oh and I just noticed that the apologies themselves were written by the great @DanaSchwartzzz. I think this one is my favorite, Dana. pic.twitter.com/zxH1AWgiZV
— Shannon Coulter (@shannoncoulter) November 20, 2017
Why I became the Forward’s Editor-in-Chief
You are surely a friend of the Forward if you’re reading this. And so it’s with excitement and awe — of all that the Forward is, was, and will be — that I introduce myself to you as the Forward’s newest editor-in-chief.
And what a time to step into the leadership of this storied Jewish institution! For 129 years, the Forward has shaped and told the American Jewish story. I’m stepping in at an intense time for Jews the world over. We urgently need the Forward’s courageous, unflinching journalism — not only as a source of reliable information, but to provide inspiration, healing and hope.
Support our mission to tell the Jewish story fully and fairly.
