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The Schmooze

‘Welcome To Hell’: ‘Saturday Night Live’ Ushers Men Into 2018

Next time you hear a man complaining that in light of the recent spate of sexual assault allegations he is feeling afraid of how he should behave, whom he can trust, or in doubt about our justice system, just quiet him with a few bars of “Welcome to Hell.”

The creepy all-girl pop anthem that debuted on “Saturday Night Live” this past weekend describes hell: a place where people live in constant terror, trust no one, and know that they’ll have zero recourse for violent crimes. They’re singing about life as a woman! (Also known as hell.)

Life has always been dangerous and unfair, the women of SNL sing. Only now, men are getting a little taste of this “button-under-the-desk-bad” world. Host Saoirse Ronan, promoting Greta Gerwig’s acclaimed film “Lady Bird,” sings about the run-of-the-mill horror show of life as a person who could become prey at any moment: “Now ‘House of Cards’ is ruined, and that really sucks! Now here’s a list of stuff that’s ruined for us: parking, and walking, and Uber and ponytails! Bathrobes and nighttime and drinking and nighttime and vans!”

Catchy! I know what I’ll be humming to distract myself the next time a strange man on the subway pushes his warm thigh against my leg.

Jenny Singer is a writer for the Forward. You can reach her at Singer@forward.com or on Twitter, @jeanvaljenny

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