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The Schmooze

That Time Trump Made Michael Cohen Look Bad At His Son’s Bar Mitzvah

On your bar mitzvah, you become a man. Unless your dad is Michael Cohen, and he holds up your whole service waiting for his boss to arrive, in which case you are a man and your dad is a little boy.

Like so many crumbs of matzo crunching under the relentless foot of fate, this outrageous tidbit of Cohen’s humiliation by Donald Trump made its way into the news today, courtesy of the Wall Street Journal.

Image by Wall Street Journal Screenshot

A few questions I have about this:

1.What are these so-called ‘blessings’? Did Trump delay the ceremony itself, or just some goyish candle lighting ceremony? If so, what kind of rabbi allows shabbat services to be delayed because an aging steak salesman might show up?

2.Which Trump child did Cohen allegedly “beg”? I would have chosen Eric. But that is a personal preference.

3.How will Michael Cohen afford to pay for his son’s mounting therapy bills when he is in prison?

Poor Michael! Humiliated at his own family celebration. For Cohen it may have been less of a bar mitzvah and more of an haphazard circumcision.

Jenny Singer is a writer for the Forward. You can reach her at or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny

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