John, remembering Paris. Image by Getty Images

It’s a true shame how few so-called “Jews” have read “Alt Neuland,” Theodore Herzl’s classic utopian novel which depicts the founder of early modern Zionism’s vision of what a Jewish homeland could be.

The Schmooze has read it. We’ll summarize it here.

Years have passed since the nation of Israel’s founding. Term limits are for goys, so the Prime Minister who has led the country for roughly 97 years is still in charge. He is a clever man, with a penchant for ice cream and a love of visual aids. With incredible bravery he has soldiered through not one but several recommendations that he be indicted for corruption, recommendations that have come from his own police force. This lion of Judah is sitting in Paris one day in a gymnasium that is empty save for nine security guards, one for every candle on a Hanukkiah. The world leader lifts weights, slumping over like a Middle Eastern Churchill who has just been interviewed by his own police force in what he calls a “witch hunt.” The Israeli police force is made up of witches. Listen — it’s not a perfect country, okay? A gangly comedian comes in and snaps a picture of the minister in his New Balance 990s, and irreverently posts it to social media with James Fenton’s poem “In Paris With You.” This is hope. This is Israel.

I saw Benjamin Netanyahu at a hotel gym in Paris last week. We were alone along with 9 bodyguards. “Don’t talk to me of love. Let’s talk of Paris, The little bit of Paris in our view. There’s that crack across the ceiling And the hotel walls are peeling And I’m in Paris with you. Don’t talk to me of love. Let’s talk of Paris. I’m in Paris with the slightest thing you do. I’m in Paris with your eyes, your mouth, I’m in Paris with… all points south. Am I embarrassing you? I’m in Paris with you.” – James Fenton

A post shared by John Mulaney (@johnmulaney) on Jun 13, 2018 at 3:45pm PDT

Jenny Singer is the deputy Lifestyle editor for the Forward. You can reach her at [email protected] or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny

This is a moment of great uncertainty. Here’s what you can do about it.

We hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, we’d like to ask you to please support the Forward’s independent Jewish news this Passover.

This is a moment of great uncertainty for the news media, for the Jewish people, and for our sacred democracy. It is a time of confusion and declining trust in public institutions. An era in which we need humans to report facts, conduct investigations that hold power to account, tell stories that matter and share honest discourse on all that divides us.

With no paywall or subscriptions, the Forward is entirely supported by readers like you. Every dollar you give this Passover is invested in the future of the Forward — and telling the American Jewish story fully and fairly.

The Forward doesn’t rely on funding from institutions like governments or your local Jewish federation. There are thousands of readers like you who give us $18 or $36 or $100 each month or year.

Don't just read the Forward - invest in it. Make a gift today.

Support our mission to tell the Jewish story fully and fairly.

$120 $180 $360 OTHER AMOUNT