John, remembering Paris. Image by Getty Images

It’s a true shame how few so-called “Jews” have read “Alt Neuland,” Theodore Herzl’s classic utopian novel which depicts the founder of early modern Zionism’s vision of what a Jewish homeland could be.

The Schmooze has read it. We’ll summarize it here.

Years have passed since the nation of Israel’s founding. Term limits are for goys, so the Prime Minister who has led the country for roughly 97 years is still in charge. He is a clever man, with a penchant for ice cream and a love of visual aids. With incredible bravery he has soldiered through not one but several recommendations that he be indicted for corruption, recommendations that have come from his own police force. This lion of Judah is sitting in Paris one day in a gymnasium that is empty save for nine security guards, one for every candle on a Hanukkiah. The world leader lifts weights, slumping over like a Middle Eastern Churchill who has just been interviewed by his own police force in what he calls a “witch hunt.” The Israeli police force is made up of witches. Listen — it’s not a perfect country, okay? A gangly comedian comes in and snaps a picture of the minister in his New Balance 990s, and irreverently posts it to social media with James Fenton’s poem “In Paris With You.” This is hope. This is Israel.

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I saw Benjamin Netanyahu at a hotel gym in Paris last week. We were alone along with 9 bodyguards. “Don’t talk to me of love. Let’s talk of Paris, The little bit of Paris in our view. There’s that crack across the ceiling And the hotel walls are peeling And I’m in Paris with you. Don’t talk to me of love. Let’s talk of Paris. I’m in Paris with the slightest thing you do. I’m in Paris with your eyes, your mouth, I’m in Paris with… all points south. Am I embarrassing you? I’m in Paris with you.” – James Fenton

A post shared by John Mulaney (@johnmulaney) on Jun 13, 2018 at 3:45pm PDT

Jenny Singer is the deputy Lifestyle editor for the Forward. You can reach her at [email protected] or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny

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