Backward 2013

Turtle Eats Jew (50 Gentiles Unharmed)

A slow-moving tragedy evolves in the Galapagos.

Wanted: Leader for Major World Religion

Preferred qualifications: Partially or fully abnegated selfhood.

Noah: New Ark ‘Coming Along Great.’

That Storm Sandy Was ‘A Real Kick in the Pants’

Jewish Journalism Is Still Hot!

A Backward spinoff — the amusingly named “Forward” — was at the center of a campaign to make celebrities sexy again.

New Hasidic Clothing Store, ‘50 Shades of Black,’ Disappoints

Meanwhile, nearby softcore erotica store, The Hole Megillah, reports unexpectedly high foot traffic from the ultra-Orthodox.

UNESCO Saves Humor From Itself

UNESCO declares Jewish jokes as World Heritage Treasures. The Dalai Lama is content with that decision.

A New Flag: The flag reads, ?Together, all genders and sexualities can unite in love and Allah to brutally destroy our enemies.?

The Partial Pinking of Hamas

Radical islamists have second thoughts about allowing LGBT Muslims to become suicide bombers.

Sparky: The power of Raisman?s Olympic performance came from a series of 1.21 gigawatt infusions at Boston?s Electric Jew Laboratory.

Aly Project a Golden Success

Aly Raisman was no accident. Read how every last detail of her being was designed for Jewish continuity.

Dressed for the Interview: BootyCall Israel has attracted many applicants with their hearts set on becoming counselors.

‘Birthright Israel’ Donors Unveil Spinoff: ‘BootyCall Israel’

BACKWARD: This new Israel learning experience aims to ensure the future of the Jewish people, one night (stand) at a time.

Downton Rebbe: The Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Dame Maggie Smith) is unexpectedly charmed by the Rebbe?s talmudic wit and wisdom.

Downton Rebbe

The Earl of Grantham (Hugh Bonneville) is shocked to discover he is a cousin of the Lubavitcher Rebbe.