Skip To Content
JEWISH. INDEPENDENT. NONPROFIT.
Life

A ‘Silent Agreement’ Between Batterers and Their Victims?

An Israeli academic has come up with a theory about domestic violence that is, at once, extremely disturbing and somewhat hopeful.

Eila Perkis of the University of Haifa’s School of Social Work claims in a new paper that violence between couples is usually the result of a calculated decision-making process.

Her theory is that neither partner sits down and plans when he or she will swear or lash out at the other, but there is a sort of “silent agreement” standing between the two on what limits of violent behavior are acceptable, where the red line is drawn, and where behavior beyond that could be dangerous. (She stresses that this in no way excuses violence.)

In short, while violent partners often describe their behavior as “loss of control,” this doesn’t tell the whole story; rather, she’s says, it is conduct of a pre-determined kind triggered by anger or conflict.

According to Perkis, backing up her theory facts, such as that violent partners, in other areas of their lives, are often law abiding citizens who are able to maintain self control, and that violent partners normally keep their violence within certain limits. These limits, she claims, are calculated according to the potential fallout — that is, most partners stop before actions that would spark police involvement or the collapse of the partnership.

So while, if Perkis’ theory is to be believed, it’s grim on the one hand that violence between partners is pre-decided, but encouraging in a sense that violent partners do give thought to red lines; it indicates that there is hope for “zero tolerance” campaigns do get partners to draw the line at any violent conduct.

Perhaps most significantly, Perkis also claims that her findings could help therapists trying halt violence between couples they are counseling.

Republish This Story

Please read before republishing

We’re happy to make this story available to republish for free, unless it originated with JTA, Haaretz or another publication (as indicated on the article) and as long as you follow our guidelines. You must credit the Forward, retain our pixel and preserve our canonical link in Google search.  See our full guidelines for more information, and this guide for detail about canonical URLs.

To republish, copy the HTML by clicking on the yellow button to the right; it includes our tracking pixel, all paragraph styles and hyperlinks, the author byline and credit to the Forward. It does not include images; to avoid copyright violations, you must add them manually, following our guidelines. Please email us at [email protected], subject line “republish,” with any questions or to let us know what stories you’re picking up.

We don't support Internet Explorer

Please use Chrome, Safari, Firefox, or Edge to view this site.