Unless you’ve been living in a cave, everyone wears (or knows the joy of wearing) Ugly Sweaters in honor of the holidays. After all, what better way to show off your love of holiday season (and to hide the extra poundage you’re bound to gain) than to proudly proclaim it in vaguely inappropriate epigrams like, “You spin me right round, baby” on a dreidel sweater?
In honor of the eight days of Hanukkah, which start tomorrow, we’ve rounded up eight of the ugliest (and funniest) Hanukkah-themed sweaters:
1) Do you have a toddler who loves to sass her elders? Maybe a pre-teen whose moodiness suggests a protracted case of puberty? Having her or him wear an ugly sweater wishing a “Happy Hanukkah ya filthy schmuck” paired with a scowl would make for the perfect family Hanukkah card.
2) You may be wearing an ugly sweater, but that doesn’t mean you can’t flirt with the boy next door (aka your possible besheret) at your synagogue’s Hanukkah party. So go ahead, spin that dreidel right round, if you know what we mean.
3) Dancing dreidels holding a menorah aloft like a Torah scroll on Simchat Torah? A-dreidel-able.
4) Ugly holiday sweaters are supposed to be ridiculous, and this one, from Beged (which, in hebrew, literally means “clothes”), fits the bill. What do challah, a bearded rabbi (who appears to be “raising the roof”?) and Hanukkah have to do with each other? Not much, but it does make a pretty ugly sweater.
5) “Mazel tov” is a phrase used mostly for congratulatory purposes, like getting married or having a Bar Mitzvah. It’s not really used in association with Hanukkah, unless it’s meant as a generalized congrats to the Jewish people for prevailing over the invading Seleucid forces. In that case, we’ll take it — and wear this garish ugly sweater.
6) We’re not really sure what llamas have to do with Hanukkah, other than the fact that the words rhyme, but wishing people “Happy Llamukah” was a big trend last year. Llamas are cute, but who knew giving him a yarmulke and a tallit would make him even more covetable?
7) Forget about milkshakes, we all know what really brings all the boys to the yard: a crispy, oily latke fried to perfection. Your bubbe would be proud.
8) Trying to impress the youth at your family party? Show how “down” you are with “the lingo” by declaring how committed you are to “lighting” up the holiday (wink wink).
This story "8 Ugly Hanukkah Sweaters That Will Light Up The Holiday" was written by Michelle Honig.