The British are quite fond of hats.
Specifically, they are enamored with fascinators; those weirdly tiny, sculptural and (often overly) ornamental protrusions that are attached to the head with a clip or a headband.
Fascinators are some sort of Anglican Church tradition, and are worn at weddings. It’s why at the last major royal wedding, when Kate and Prince William got married, all anyone talked about was the insane variety of fascinators worn by guests.
We imagine that this royal wedding will be no different, inspiring the masses to wear fascinators to fancy events for the foreseeable future. Luckily for us, Jews have a weekly fancy event built into our repertoire — Shabbat — where wearing hats to synagogue is a thing.
But this weekend is also the holiday of Shavuot. And so, in that vein, we rounded up the 6 best (read: interesting) fascinators you can wear this weekend to your local royal wedding watch party (or to attend synagogue, obvi).
The Wild West Brothel Owner Meets Vegas Showgirl Fascinator
Whittall & Shon Fascinator Derby Hat, $63.90, jcpenny.com
This one has, um, a lot of unnecessary, but gratifyingly tacky, bling.
The Quirky Modern Artist Meets Ursula’s Tentacles Fascinator
Vivien Sheriff ‘Zion’ Sequin Embellished Fascinator Hat, $907.03, harrods.com
When you want to seem fun, but deep inside your soul lies something dark and evil, like the villain in The Little Mermaid.
The Funeral Scene In The Godfather, But Make It Fashion
Philip Treacy Rose Mesh Beret Fascinator, $1,779.17, harrods.com
Because even when mourning over your dashed hopes of ever marrying Prince Harry, you can still look the part of perfect royal with a helpful dose of “ladylike charm.”
The ‘Help I’m Caught In A Fisherman’s Net” Fascinator
Siggi Woven Veil Embellished Fascinator Hat, $558.17, harrods.com
Warning: wearing this fascinator might inspire a how-to guide on how to “net” the hunky fisherman at the marina.
The Lepidopterarium Meets 19th Century Train Conductor Fascinator
Marzi Fascinator Hat with Feather Butterflies, $635.00, neimanmarcus.com
Now, we can’t guarantee that butterflies will land on your head, adding color and “life” to your look, but we can’t NOT guarantee that it will happen.
The Flying Saucer Meets Other Flying Creatures Like Birds Fascinator
Jane Taylor ‘Alessandra’ Straw Fascinator Hat with Feather & Twist Trim, $610.00, neimanmarcus.com
Because if you’re going to wear a literal spaceship on your head, you might as well top it with some earth-borne flying objects, err, animals, like the feather of a bird.