Troye Sivan, Ariana Grande Image by GETTY IMAGES/FORWARD MONTAGE

Two of the biggest names in pop music, Troye Sivan and Ariana Grande, collaborated on the song “Dance To This,” which dropped its long-awaited music video on Thursday.

Sivan, the towheaded tween-ish Jew who came up as a singer on YouTube, and Grande, a toddler-ish vixen mired in ethnic ambiguity who came up as a kiddy-idol through Disney, should be a perfect pair. They are real-life friends. They both like singing about sex. They look like a matching set of Polly pockets.

And that is why we are sorry to report that their collaboration, “Dance to This,” is not a bop. It is not a banger. It is not a jam. Despite it’s refrain, “We can just dance to this!” you cannot really dance to it. It is pleasant and it is catchy, yes, but it is more likely to lull you into a peaceful sleep than work you into a lather. It is pop-y and synth-y, yes, but if you tried to dance to it, as Grande and Sivan do in the video for the song, you will end up jerking around helplessly. There will be a lot of shoulder movement. The beat-heavy bridge portion has an embarrassing ARK Music-style contrived sound that underscores the singers’ extreme caucasian-ness. And the new video for the song, which shows bedraggled spectators ignoring the two stars only highlights that it is, indeed, boring.

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You cannot dance to it but you can haphazardly sway to it:

If you need us, we’ll be over here listening to Grande’s God Is a Woman.

Jenny Singer is the deputy lifestyle editor for the Forward. You can reach her at [email protected] or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny

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