Fixing the Flying Toilet

Siegelmania

By Stanley Siegelman

Published June 26, 2008, issue of July 04, 2008.
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NEWS ITEM: After the toilet on the orbiting space station broke down, the space shuttle Discovery delivered an unusual payload to the stressed astronauts: a pump to fix the faulty potty.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: The space shuttle Discovery returns after delivering a pump to the international space station to fix a broken toilet.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: The space shuttle Discovery returns after delivering a pump to the international space station to fix a broken toilet.

The astronauts, with great distaste,
By hand were pumping liquid waste
Because their toilet pump was broke —
In outer space, this is no joke!

To rescue came the shuttle — fast!
The trip itself was quite a blast!
Worldwide, in ev’ry Hamlet, we
Heard asked: “to pee or not to pee?”

The deed is done! the toilet’s fixed!
Reactions ’round the globe are mixed:
Some folks applaud, while others fret,
The sky-high cost makes them upset.

There ne’er was such a lengthy trip
To rectify a pesky drip.
If Halliburton did the task,
Would it cost less? some people ask.

(Remember Nixon’s “plumber” freaks
Whose specialty was plugging leaks?)
The astronauts feel rapture, bliss:
It works! (the Oval Orifice).

Inspiring it is to see
A NASA flush with victory!


“An instalator darf men shnel,”
Dos iz dem shtern-flier’s yell.
Tsebrokhn iz der klozet, oy!
In kosmos-shif es shtinkt azoy!

Vebshifl kumt! Der rotunik
Iz aktuel, efektiv, quick!
Danken got! M’ken dokh vern krank,
Farsapen zikh fun dem geshtank!

Tsurekht makhn iz a sukses!
Der klozet — mer nit kayn mess!
Di shtern-fliers urinirn,
Un zeyre gesheftn oykh durkhfirn!

Tsu tayer kost di gantse shpil?
Kritikers fregn yetst “vi fil?”
Zey viln visn what would be
The Cheney-Halliburton fee.

M’dreyt zikh dort arum, in space
— A tsebrokhene john iz keyn disgrace!


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