Fixing the Flying Toilet

Siegelmania

By Stanley Siegelman

Published June 26, 2008, issue of July 04, 2008.
  • Print
  • Share Share

NEWS ITEM: After the toilet on the orbiting space station broke down, the space shuttle Discovery delivered an unusual payload to the stressed astronauts: a pump to fix the faulty potty.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: The space shuttle Discovery returns after delivering a pump to the international space station to fix a broken toilet.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: The space shuttle Discovery returns after delivering a pump to the international space station to fix a broken toilet.

The astronauts, with great distaste,
By hand were pumping liquid waste
Because their toilet pump was broke —
In outer space, this is no joke!

To rescue came the shuttle — fast!
The trip itself was quite a blast!
Worldwide, in ev’ry Hamlet, we
Heard asked: “to pee or not to pee?”

The deed is done! the toilet’s fixed!
Reactions ’round the globe are mixed:
Some folks applaud, while others fret,
The sky-high cost makes them upset.

There ne’er was such a lengthy trip
To rectify a pesky drip.
If Halliburton did the task,
Would it cost less? some people ask.

(Remember Nixon’s “plumber” freaks
Whose specialty was plugging leaks?)
The astronauts feel rapture, bliss:
It works! (the Oval Orifice).

Inspiring it is to see
A NASA flush with victory!


“An instalator darf men shnel,”
Dos iz dem shtern-flier’s yell.
Tsebrokhn iz der klozet, oy!
In kosmos-shif es shtinkt azoy!

Vebshifl kumt! Der rotunik
Iz aktuel, efektiv, quick!
Danken got! M’ken dokh vern krank,
Farsapen zikh fun dem geshtank!

Tsurekht makhn iz a sukses!
Der klozet — mer nit kayn mess!
Di shtern-fliers urinirn,
Un zeyre gesheftn oykh durkhfirn!

Tsu tayer kost di gantse shpil?
Kritikers fregn yetst “vi fil?”
Zey viln visn what would be
The Cheney-Halliburton fee.

M’dreyt zikh dort arum, in space
— A tsebrokhene john iz keyn disgrace!


The Jewish Daily Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Jewish Daily Forwardrequires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and The Jewish Daily Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.





Find us on Facebook!
  • Is boredom un-Jewish?
  • Let's face it: there's really only one Katz's Delicatessen.
  • "Dear Diaspora Jews, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you can’t have it both ways. You can’t insist that every Jew is intrinsically part of the Israeli state and that Jews are also intrinsically separate from, and therefore not responsible for, the actions of the Israeli state." Do you agree?
  • Are Michelangelo's paintings anti-Semitic? Meet the Jews of the Sistine Chapel: http://jd.fo/i4UDl
  • What does the Israel-Hamas war look like through Haredi eyes?
  • Was Israel really shocked to find there are networks of tunnels under Gaza?
  • “Going to Berlin, I had a sense of something waiting there for me. I was searching for something and felt I could unlock it by walking the streets where my grandfather walked and where my father grew up.”
  • How can 3 contradictory theories of Yiddish co-exist? Share this with Yiddish lovers!
  • "We must answer truthfully: Has a drop of all this bloodshed really helped bring us to a better place?”
  • "There are two roads. We have repeatedly taken the one more traveled, and that has made all the difference." Dahlia Scheindlin looks at the roots of Israel's conflict with Gaza.
  • Shalom, Cooperstown! Cooperstown Jewish mayor Jeff Katz and Jeff Idelson, director of the National Baseball Hall of Fame, work together to oversee induction weekend.
  • A boost for morale, if not morals.
  • Mixed marriages in Israel are tough in times of peace. So, how do you maintain a family bubble in the midst of war? http://jd.fo/f4VeG
  • Despite the escalating violence in Israel, more and more Jews are leaving their homes in Alaska to make aliyah: http://jd.fo/g4SIa
  • The Workmen's Circle is hosting New York’s first Jewish street fair on Sunday. Bring on the nouveau deli!
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.