Fixing the Flying Toilet

Siegelmania

By Stanley Siegelman

Published June 26, 2008, issue of July 04, 2008.
  • Print
  • Share Share

NEWS ITEM: After the toilet on the orbiting space station broke down, the space shuttle Discovery delivered an unusual payload to the stressed astronauts: a pump to fix the faulty potty.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: The space shuttle Discovery returns after delivering a pump to the international space station to fix a broken toilet.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: The space shuttle Discovery returns after delivering a pump to the international space station to fix a broken toilet.

The astronauts, with great distaste,
By hand were pumping liquid waste
Because their toilet pump was broke —
In outer space, this is no joke!

To rescue came the shuttle — fast!
The trip itself was quite a blast!
Worldwide, in ev’ry Hamlet, we
Heard asked: “to pee or not to pee?”

The deed is done! the toilet’s fixed!
Reactions ’round the globe are mixed:
Some folks applaud, while others fret,
The sky-high cost makes them upset.

There ne’er was such a lengthy trip
To rectify a pesky drip.
If Halliburton did the task,
Would it cost less? some people ask.

(Remember Nixon’s “plumber” freaks
Whose specialty was plugging leaks?)
The astronauts feel rapture, bliss:
It works! (the Oval Orifice).

Inspiring it is to see
A NASA flush with victory!


“An instalator darf men shnel,”
Dos iz dem shtern-flier’s yell.
Tsebrokhn iz der klozet, oy!
In kosmos-shif es shtinkt azoy!

Vebshifl kumt! Der rotunik
Iz aktuel, efektiv, quick!
Danken got! M’ken dokh vern krank,
Farsapen zikh fun dem geshtank!

Tsurekht makhn iz a sukses!
Der klozet — mer nit kayn mess!
Di shtern-fliers urinirn,
Un zeyre gesheftn oykh durkhfirn!

Tsu tayer kost di gantse shpil?
Kritikers fregn yetst “vi fil?”
Zey viln visn what would be
The Cheney-Halliburton fee.

M’dreyt zikh dort arum, in space
— A tsebrokhene john iz keyn disgrace!


The Jewish Daily Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Jewish Daily Forwardrequires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and The Jewish Daily Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.





Find us on Facebook!
  • This is what the rockets over Israel and Gaza look like from space:
  • "Israel should not let captives languish or corpses rot. It should do everything in its power to recover people and bodies. Jewish law places a premium on pidyon shvuyim, “the redemption of captives,” and proper burial. But not when the price will lead to more death and more kidnappings." Do you agree?
  • Slate.com's Allison Benedikt wrote that Taglit-Birthright Israel is partly to blame for the death of American IDF volunteer Max Steinberg. This is why she's wrong:
  • Israeli soldiers want you to buy them socks. And snacks. And backpacks. And underwear. And pizza. So claim dozens of fundraising campaigns launched by American Jewish and Israeli charities since the start of the current wave of crisis and conflict in Israel and Gaza.
  • The sign reads: “Dogs are allowed in this establishment but Zionists are not under any circumstances.”
  • Is Twitter Israel's new worst enemy?
  • More than 50 former Israeli soldiers have refused to serve in the current ground operation in #Gaza.
  • "My wife and I are both half-Jewish. Both of us very much felt and feel American first and Jewish second. We are currently debating whether we should send our daughter to a Jewish pre-K and kindergarten program or to a public one. Pros? Give her a Jewish community and identity that she could build on throughout her life. Cons? Costs a lot of money; She will enter school with the idea that being Jewish makes her different somehow instead of something that you do after or in addition to regular school. Maybe a Shabbat sing-along would be enough?"
  • Undeterred by the conflict, 24 Jews participated in the first ever Jewish National Fund— JDate singles trip to Israel. Translation: Jews age 30 to 45 travelled to Israel to get it on in the sun, with a side of hummus.
  • "It pains and shocks me to say this, but here goes: My father was right all along. He always told me, as I spouted liberal talking points at the Shabbos table and challenged his hawkish views on Israel and the Palestinians to his unending chagrin, that I would one day change my tune." Have you had a similar experience?
  • "'What’s this, mommy?' she asked, while pulling at the purple sleeve to unwrap this mysterious little gift mom keeps hidden in the inside pocket of her bag. Oh boy, how do I answer?"
  • "I fear that we are witnessing the end of politics in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I see no possibility for resolution right now. I look into the future and see only a void." What do you think?
  • Not a gazillionaire? Take the "poor door."
  • "We will do what we must to protect our people. We have that right. We are not less deserving of life and quiet than anyone else. No more apologies."
  • "Woody Allen should have quit while he was ahead." Ezra Glinter's review of "Magic in the Moonlight": http://jd.fo/f4Q1Q
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.