10 wicked ways to avoid talking about war and politics this Thanksgiving
Scared of alienating your loved one with politics? These conversation starters are sure to save you (maybe)
Welcome to Thanksgiving! If you bring up the war in Gaza or the most recent U.S. election, you will be banished from the warm company of family and friends to experience the cold hard truth of human existence, without even the comforts that gnawing on a dry turkey leg can bring to help you. So, every time the demon in your brain prompts you to ask your nearest and dearest, “Where will we move to escape creeping authoritarianism?” try introducing one of the questions below, instead.
1) How great was Wicked Part 1?
Have you seen Wicked? If not, leave your Thanksgiving dinner immediately and drive to the nearest theater. Your loved ones don’t need your company that much. If so: How great was Wicked?
2) Why are pumpkin desserts always disappointing?
They are neither fully squash nor fully sweet. This makes them confusing, and also, they taste bad. Elaborate!
3) What are the most alarming things a toddler has ever said to you?
Recently my favorite toddler in the world, who lives one block away from me, looked me straight in my eyes and said, “Can Talya go outside and go home?” while I was having dinner at his house. It was hilarious! Exchange these stories until all of you are crying, theoretically with laughter.
4) How much do houses weigh? What about trees?
Answers vary widely, and as someone who has had this conversation many, many times, I can tell you: Basically all of them are wrong! Thanksgiving is about learning how much we have to be grateful for, and one thing I am grateful for is knowing just how heavy the house in which I am currently sitting probably is.
5) Which song in Wicked contains the most Talmudic wisdom?
Obviously, the correct answer is “Thank Goodness,” which will open Wicked Part 2 (out in time for the holidays, 2025). It’s about gratitude, which is timely, and also about the hollowness of enforced gratitude, which is also, gulp, timely. “There are bridges you cross you didn’t know you crossed until you crossed?” Give us more, Reb Glinda!
6) Which bird is the sassiest?
It is commonly known that birds, as a species, are sassy. But which is the sassiest? I say owl, because a hard stare is perhaps the best tool in any impudent creature’s arsenal. Discuss!
7) Was making Paddington 3 a mistake?
Speaking of a hard stare, if I ever see Paddington 3, which comes out in January, it will be in the middle of a brain-addling future flu that will hopefully make me much less critical — even toward pumpkin — and more amenable to being swept away on the blissful waves of mediocre blockbuster magic. This is because Paddington 2 is a genius movie that God herself summoned out of the (Jewish!!) brain of producer David Heyman and his perfect, wise, adorable collaborators and cast. The laws of physics say there is no chance its sequel will be half as good. Try to persuade me otherwise!
8) Do you agree that Ariana Grande, sigh, actually does have chemistry with Ethan Slater, her Jewish-day-school-alum boyfriend, in Wicked?
Those who say yes are not wrong. Do you think Ariana celebrates Hanukkah now? If so, is she the kind of person who gives presents on all eight nights (YES) or the kind of person who tells you you’re “too old” to think that’s reasonable?
9) If the air is heavy, how come it doesn’t feel heavy?
Yes: Air is heavy! And yet we continue to refer to ourselves as feeling “light as air” when we are happy! What does it mean? Is happiness actually not about feeling unburdened, but rather, correctly burdened? At what point will the crushing weight of reality suddenly make itself apparent to us all, rather than masquerading as being totally manageable and really not that big of a deal at all? Food for thought!
10) What is a place you regularly go where you would be horrified to run into anyone you know?
My answer: The ice cream shop around the corner from my house, because I am incredibly indecisive, and I do not want anyone who knows (and possibly might even respect) me to become aware of just how difficult I find it to decide which sweet treat will be the treatiest. What I do know: It certainly will NOT be pumpkin.
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