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The Schmooze

An Elvis-Themed Israel Tour, For Only $4,000

Elvis Costello shunned Israel a couple of years ago, cancelling a gig on grounds of conscience. But it seems that Israel is just the destination to celebrate the mightier, even more famous Elvis.

On Thursday, tickets went on sale for a $3,995 Elvis Presley themed tour of Israel. No kidding — check it out for yourself.

Special guests on the trip will include Elvis Imperials members Joe Moscheo and Terry Blackwood, and Bill Baize, former member of JD Sumner and The Stamps. But apart from the tenuous connection these guests provide, it’s difficult to see what Elvis has to do with this tour (he never visited Israel). The itinerary features all the standard Israeli sites.

Maybe the organizers need some rewritten Elvis lyrics to use as a soundtrack for the trip. The Shmooze is happy to offer suggestions.

For when visiting Temple Mount, where Jewish tradition mandates avoiding the most sacred spot, a variation on
on “Blue Suede Shoes”:

Well, it’s one for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, Now go, cat, go. But don’t you step on the Holy of Holies You can do anything but lay off of the Holy of Holies.

For visiting the Western Wall, how about a twist on “Cotton Candy Land”?

Pious Jewess is comin’, yes she’s comin’ To sell you a red band, She’ll say zei gesund, a bracha And you’ll be in Kaballah land

For a lecture on Netanyahu-Obama relations, no changes to the original “How’s the World Treating You” lyrics are necessary:

I’ve had nothing but sorrow Since you said we were through There’s no hope for tomorrow How’s the world treating you?


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