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The Schmooze

Find Yourself Someone Who Looks At You The Way Kathy Griffin’s Lawyer Looks At Her

To commemorate the worst week of all time, Kathy Griffin held a press conference this afternoon to address her role in DecapitationGate, which is a word I’m trying to make happen.

The press conference opened with Griffin’s lawyer, Lisa Bloom, explaining to the crowd of thirsty journalists exactly what Griffin’s joke was supposed to mean, as if … they didn’t already understand the joke? Griffin’s lawyer used a very – and I use this word sparingly when it comes to women – sassy tone to drive home all her points.

“Trump does not fear 56-year-old, 110 pound Kathy Griffin,” said Bloom, while Griffin smiled and nodded next to her as if to say, “Yes, thank you, I am very skinny.”

After what seemed like hours, the mic was turned to Griffin.

“I am not afraid of Donald Trump,” said Griffin, who was visibly shaking throughout. She went on to say that, while her “apology absolutely stands,” she won’t stop making fun of the President anytime soon and, in fact, has every intention of doubling down on her president-themed jokes.

Griffin called Trump a “bully” and said she’s been inundated with death threats since the photo went viral.

Griffin also echoed Bloom’s sentiments that her small stature couldn’t possibly pose a threat to the president.

“I am 110 pounds wet,” said Kathy, as if a 110 pound woman can’t legally buy and wield assault weapons.

The good news is that, no matter what becomes of her career, Kathy Griffin has at least one devoted fan left – Bloom, who stared at Griffin throughout the tearful speech with abject tenderness and cackled at every quippy aside, of which there were roughly one thousand.

Becky Scott is the editor of The Schmooze. Follow her on Twitter at @arr_scott

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