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The Schmooze

Sex King Jeff Goldblum Scats While Eating Vegan Hot Wings

“In my life, I’m an adventurous eater,” Jeff Goldblum says on “The Hot Ones,” a YouTube talkshow that features celebrities eating increasingly spicy wings. “There’s nothing I haven’t tried.”

Goldblum, a notorious Jewish sex god whose appeal stems from looking and acting like an NPR reporter who moonlights as a PlayGirl model, visited “The Hot Ones” to eat a series of vegan hot wings and schmooze about life. So sensual was his already-viral segment that even his allusions to handling his acid reflux had erotic energy: “I have a strategy…I’m going to nibble, maybe” he said, gazing down at the spicy faux-meats beneath him.

“Remember Danny Kaye?” Goldblum asks at one point, following up with a long explanation of Danny Kaye, whom nobody on the “Hot Ones” set remembers.

Then he does this:

Goldblum rounded out the day by calling the 25-foot statue of himself erected in London “fantastic,” and remarking, “Time is fleeting… We don’t need to look anywhere else in nincompoopery besides the facts of the real universe to be astounded with the miraculous.”

Then he asked, “Where’s the spit bucket?”

It’s settled: Jeff Goldblum eating vegan wings on Youtube is better and funnier than comedians in cars getting coffee. Jerry Seinfeld, eat your heart out. And bring a spit bucket.

Jenny Singer is the deputy lifestyle editor for the Forward. You can reach her at [email protected] or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny

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