Self-Proclaimed ‘Hebrew Hammer’ Josh Rosen To Start As QB For Cardinals
Everything’s coming up Josh Rosen.
The 21-year-old, a first-draft pick for the Arizona Cardinals in April, has been named to start as quarterback in the team’s upcoming game against the Seattle Seahawks.
Rosen — the type of man to make a Jewish pop-culture reporter reconsider sports as a form of entertainment — is football’s newest Jewish boy-toy. He hates Trump, thinks school sucks, and comes from religious stock but believes, more than anything, in the sanctity of himself. He’s our guy.
“Josh is our starter, and it’s his job to lose,” Cardinals head coach Steve Wilks said at a press conference announcing the change, Reuters reported. “Josh plays with a lot of confidence,” he added, making some sports novices wonder if it is common for coaches to inspire players with backhanded compliments, like a passive aggressive Jewish parent.
We’re rooting for the Chosen Rosen — as we’ve observed in these pages before, Rosen is the consummation of the American dream. In him, we have lived to see the Jewish son of an ice-skating surgeon and a lacrosse-playing Quaker — who is also the great-great-great grandson of Joseph Wharton, the namesake of the Wharton School of Business — picked to serve as a quarterback in the National Football League in our great country. We won’t turn up our noses at liberals who become red state voters, and certainly not at anyone willing to hack another hole in the stereotype that Jews aren’t athletic.
Aly Raisman has been more than pulling her weight, so let’s see some hustle, Joshua! Or at the very least, lets see you make it through a career on a national men’s sports team without shaming our people. We believe in you.
With reporting from Reuters.