Former Forward staffer, Grumpy Jeffrey Goldberg, thinks that lists of Jews are a bad idea, just because a few white supremacists enjoy using them. And also, because they don’t always include him and/or Natalie Portman.
That’s ridiculous. First of all, Natalie Portman blew a lot of list-ability with “No Strings Attached.” And his logic is totally cockamamie. So white supremacists like lists of Jews. You know who else did? Oskar Schindler. Who, admittedly, was a Nazi, but still.
And you know who else likes lists? Everyone loves lists, Jeffrey Goldberg. Do you think that Buzzfeed is popular because of its investigative journalism and scintillating prose. (Here’s a hint: No.) And if the world is going to make lists of EVERYTHING, why not the Jews? Why aren’t the Jews as good as everyone else? WHY DO YOU HATE JEWS, JEFFREY?
Anyway, pace Jeffrey, here’s another list of Jews. This time the most awesome Jewish Mah Jongg pairings that history could bring us. Because Goldberg telling the Jewish media to stop writing lists is just a cry for help… and for more Jewish lists of Jews.
The 10 Best Ever Jews, and Their Badass Jewish Mah Jongg Partners (with apologies to many previous listmakers: 11 Points, Listverse, Heeb (on sex, natch), Buzzfeed (on politics, natch), the surprisingly comprehensive Adherents and the totally amazing Forward 50)
11 (On the Bench):
Moses and Emma Goldman
He may have been Prince of Egypt, but Moses and Emma Goldman shared the liberator’s nightmare of being stuck in the House of Bondage. And that’s their lot in this Mah Jongg squad. Eager to get to the table, they’re stuck on the bench while Moses turns his staff into a snake and back into a staff, over and over again.
Albert Einstein and Judah Maccabee
Albert Einstein worked out relativity before he was 26, even while his full time job was a patent officer and while he had a wife and one year old son at home. If that’s not enough to rob your Kong, Judah Maccabee single-handedly destroyed the local branch of the Seleucid Empire, elephants and all. There don’t be no Mah Jongg championships at the Seleucid Games in Israel every four years.
Golda Meir and Abraham
Being as how Abraham was the smasher of idols, inventor of monotheism, talker with the Big Guy and all round founder of what we like to call Yidishkeyt, it needs a strong woman to partner him — not Sarah, his wife, who went along with him calling her his sister when it suited (that whole Abimelech thing). Golda was the original Iron Lady, fourth Prime Minister of Israel, so cool they had to get Ingrid Bergman to play her, and Leonard Nimoy to play her husband. They got the Four Winds covered y’all.