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Manischewitz Offered Adam Sandler All The Gefilte Fish You Can Eat, In Exchange For A Song

Comedian Adam Sandler, whose oeuvre contains masterworks such as Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo and Paul Blart: Mall Cop, followed by its even more masterful sequel Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, has been propositioned by The Manischevitz Company with an indecent proposal he can’t (but probably will) refuse.

The Manischevitz Company saw fit to send the letter below to Sandler’s crew of publicists, requesting a Sandler Passover song.

“Who better to write and sing it than YOU?!” wrote David Sugarman, CEO of Manischewitz, to Sandler. “To get your creative juices flowing, we are offering you a fun Passover challenge and the ‘suite’-est deal around – a fully stocked, state-of-the-art hotel suite equipped with all the Manischewitz products you grew up loving. It is our hope that you would do one thing for us: once again “put on your yarmulke” and compose a follow-up to your smash hit The Hanukkah Song for the families of the world celebrating the Passover season to enjoy!…As part of our offer, your spacious, comfortable hotel suite will be fully equipped with musical equipment and packed with delicious Manischewitz products including our famous Matzo Ball soup, all the gefilte fish you can eat and plenty of matzo. Take a look at the attached photos – “not too shabby,” right? Additionally, we will provide you with free Manischewitz Products for life, as a thank-you for penning the new Passover anthem.”

Passover has many things, but a signature Adam Sandler ditty is not one of them. Without a joke-rap anthem to save the day, Passover will be nothing but a holiday for humorless fools.

To rectify this, Manischevitz is offering Maestro Sandler ‘free products for life’ if he accepts the offer. What earthly creature could turn such a generous proposal down?

Passover draws nigh, Mr. Sandler, and the world is waiting.

As for you Manischewitz, we wish you much hatzlocha.

Shira Feder is a writer for the Forward. You can reach her at feder@forward.com

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