Kushner and Kloss! Sitting in a tree! Then falling out because of the size of the diamond! Image by GETTY IMAGES/FORWARD MONTAGE

Astrophysicists announced today that the earth will soon cease to revolve around the sun, and will instead begin to orbit around the enormous engagement ring Joshua Kushner gave Karlie Kloss.

Beautiful model and decent-seeming-person Karlie Kloss announced her engagement to Joshua Kushner on Tuesday. Kushner, the auxiliary son in a family best known for the quietly sinister Jared and formerly incarcerated Charlie, will wed Kloss after six years of dating.

Thank you ALL for your sweet wishes! ❤️? So happy to share this news with you, I am feeling like the happiest girl in the world. Thank you for your love and support, it truly means the world to me. pic.twitter.com/ZvkRaFufUD

— Karlie Kloss (@karliekloss) July 25, 2018

Kushner is a classic beauty — if you like thick-chestnut hair and lost hazelnut eyes that seem to scream RELEASE ME FROM THESE BOUNDS OF FAMILIAL HELL — and we do. He is a quietly successful entrepreneur who founded the health insurance startup Oscar and Thrive Capital, a private equity firm. He and Kloss secretly celebrated their engagement weeks ago when he proposed on a romantic getaway to upstate New York after traveling together to Israel and Japan.

Kloss posted an image of her ring today on Twitter, and here are some of the things it resembles, size-wise:

-A hubcap -A seal pup -A cyclops’ eyeball -A modest condominium

The diamond is bound to the ring with thick silver bands. It looks like a captive straining to break free from its ropes and retake the ship.

May we all marry a venture capitalist who, like Kushner, is rich in both diamonds and moral dilemmas.

Jenny Singer is the deputy lifestyle editor for the Forward. You can reach her at [email protected] or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny

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