It’s International Women’s Day, which means exactly as much or as little as you let it. To start you off, we’ve rounded up the funniest, spiciest Jewish women on Twitter. Follow them! It will elevate their voices and your endorphins. If you’re going to be letting your time free-fall through the bottomless pit of the internet, you should at least be doing it with these ladies.
Breakthrough Jewish comedian Catherine Cohen is quite possibly the voice of her generation.
i look out over my tabs, my sweet tabs…some will never stand a chance…it’s not that i will x u out but that eventually my computer (teeming with data—(old headshots)) will crash…& when i turn it on again…i won’t restore u…choosing instead to let the tides carry u away— Catherine Cohen (@catccohen) March 6, 2019
Sure, sex is cool, but have you tried following Dr. Ruth Westheimer’s Twitter? For the price of one “follow” of the 90-year-old, you will get sex advice, education, tips, anecdotes, celebrity gossip, and political commentary from the professional sharpshooter-turned-sex-therapist.
If you’re celebrating #NationalPretzelDay while making love tonight, please be careful. And stretch, both before and after!— Dr. Ruth Westheimer (@AskDrRuth) April 26, 2018
Comedian Alison Stevenson describes herself as a “mouthy Jew.”
My body type is, “called brave for wearing a crop top”— Alison Stevenson (@JustAboutGlad) February 21, 2019
Jackie Hoffman, current star of Yiddish “Fiddler on the Roof,” always star of our hearts, has one of the most candid twitters in the game.
What? Our therapy appointment can’t be over, I just started sobbing— Jackie Hoffman (@JackieHoffman16) March 4, 2019
Run by writer Sarah Solomon, urbanJAP is a perfect parody of Jewish women stereotypes that aren’t hateful, just, well, I mean, look at this —
Fleetwood Mac came on and all my candles spontaneously lit themselves— urbanJAP (@urbanJAP) December 21, 2018
Julie Klausner: the people’s comedian.
I’m considering picking the mini marshmallows out of the packets of Swiss Miss I have in my cupboard and microwaving them so I can make a Rice Krispie treat in a mug and I guess my point is, I’ve never recovered from the Kavanaugh hearings.— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) November 15, 2018
Nicole Silverberg writes for “Full Frontal With Samantha Bee” and used to edit Reductress. And sometimes, she reports on tragedies…
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY IS ONLY 33………………………… WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THIS— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) February 14, 2019
Marcia Belsky is the comedian I would most like to emcee my funeral.
One time my rabbi told all the 6th graders that the story of Hanukkah isn’t important & is only celebrated so American Jews can have Xmas
then a bunch of parents complained & he came back the next week & apologized but also called us narcs & said he was still right
Good man— Marcia Belsky (@MarciaBelsky) December 2, 2018
Alison Leiby writes for “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” so you don’t need to know too much more to hit that “follow.”
I can’t wait for winter to be over so I stop thinking every coat with a furry hood is a cool dog sitting on the chair next to me.— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) March 6, 2019
Reading Jill Gutowitz’s tweets feels like drinking a chocolate milkshake while getting a warm hug.
let rachel weisz and rachel mcadams host the oscars as their ‘disobedience’ characters you cowards— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) December 7, 2018
Dweck writes for “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.” She always knows just the right thing to say.
I have taken longer to recover from a large lunch https://t.co/ecyBmFvnUg— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) December 24, 2018
Comedian Judy Gold is a filterless Jewish aunt who lives in your computer screen. A true gift.
I’m looking to hire 2 people to yell anti-semitic slurs at me, choke me with a Tallis, pour bacon grease on me, and scream “Make America Goy Again!” while I’m on the phone with my Jewish manager. I’m paying $3.50. Please let me know if you’re interested. Thanks!— Judy Gold 🇺🇸 (@JewdyGold) February 21, 2019
Maris Kreitzman is the most underrated funny person on Twitter, and she also seems kind.
Spent the morning “just following up,” working up the fortitude to spend the afternoon “checking in one more time.”— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) December 17, 2018
Maura Quint is a journalist who will cheer you up, even if she doesn’t cheer herself up.
Me: I’m feeling low, I should do something to cheer myself up *puts on saddest song I own on repeat and lies down on the floor*— maura quint (@behindyourback) March 5, 2019
Twitter Bette Midler is more delightful than you would ever guess.
Have you seen Period: End of Sentence, the Oscar-winning menstruation documentary on Netflix? It’s actually a fun watch, in case you were worried it would be too heavy. Plus, at 26 minutes, it’s not bloated at all. And of course, a little weed wouldn’t hurt.— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) February 27, 2019
Come to Orli Matlow’s Twitter for the political comedy, stay for the jokes that make you want to have a son just so you can educate him well.
Lol pic.twitter.com/aWNYmeo9no— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) December 3, 2018
Ashley Feinberg, journalist and unofficial ruler of Twitter, can do it all — snort-worthy tweets, investigative journalism, and following Donald Trump Jr.’s every move.
for the sake of transparency and balance, i should note that ivanka currently follows 39 ivanka trump fan accounts— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) February 8, 2019
Jack may have invented Twitter, but Megan Amram owns it.
Starbucks coffee is disgusting. First of all it tastes like soap, second of all u have to get it from dispensers in the BATHROOM????— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 4, 2015
“Elana Del Gay: the Jewish Queer Lana” is exactly what it says it is — an account that tweets Lana del Ray lyrics, but with more Judaism and gay-ness. And thank god for that.
she wore blue #tallit/bluer than #velvet were her eyes #LanaDelRey— Elana Del Gay: the Jewish queer Lana 🌈🔮 (@ElanadelGay1) July 28, 2018
Jenny Singer is the deputy life/features editor for the Forward. You can reach her at Singer@forward.com or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny
This story "19 Funniest Jewish Women To Follow On Twitter" was written by Jenny Singer.