I Demand Justice For Jane Averbukh, Jewish ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Contestant
‘Literally i am the hot sauce of paradise,’ said contestant Jane Averbukh Image by iStock
In the ABC reality TV show “The Bachelor” and its twin “The Bachelorette,” dozens of beautiful people try to simultaneously date one slightly befuddled person.
Those shows, where a horde of contestants of a single gender live together in an eerie mansion, waiting to be selected for “fantasy suite” nights of sex with a Bachelor or Bachelorette, bring to mind the icky power imbalance exemplified by, say, feudal lords, or Playboy bunnies kept by Hugh Hefner.
But the newer summer offering from the franchise, “Bachelor In Paradise,” in its sixth season now on ABC, is a fairly egalitarian, well-mannered emotional orgy, in which an ensemble of “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” rejects court one another in between eating tacos.
The cast of “Paradise.” Averbukh is one from the right, in yellow.
What brings this lofty publication to report on this cheerful human sex experiment? We are in search, of course, of justice for Jane Averbukh, the raven-haired social worker who skipped onto Season 23 of “The Bachelor” with a smile on her face and a gigantic Magen David slung around her neck, only to be cast aside — the Schmooze theorized — because she reminded Bachelor Colton Underwood of his ex-girlfriend, the extraordinary Jewish Olympian Aly Raisman.
In the sixth season of “Paradise,” which premiered on August 4 and will air through the first week of September, our gal returned, that same Jewish star glistening in the sun. Clearly, higher-ups at ABC had read the Forward’s coverage demanding more Jane. “You may not know me, but you’ll know me now… my name is Jane, and I’m anything but plain!” Averbukh announced in an introductory sequence as the camera cut to her making eggs. Okay! Averbukh then brushed her teeth with hot sauce, which was incredibly hard to watch, though it is important to note that she looked amazing the entire time.
In “Paradise” — a beachfront resort near Puerto Vallarta — Averbukh didn’t enter until minute 35, at which point many people on the beach were already practically planning their third child’s birthday party. “I know nothing about her,” hissed a popular contestant. The mingling would-be-lovers socialized like actors at a regional musical theater audition that never, ever ends.
On night one, Kristina Schulman, a woman whose name poses a true challenge to any Jewish pop culture writer, stole the show, though conclusive research finds that Schulman has never once associated with Judaism and once attended something called “Jesus Prom.”
Meanwhile, we cheered for Averbukh, whose genuine charm is that she is so delighted to find herself in the midst of a reality dating show that she appears to be watching “The Bachelor” while actually being on “The Bachelor.” At the end of the second episode, Averbukh’s fate was sealed. Having served spicy tacos to a blonde named John Paul Jones, who immediately wretched them up onto the sand, she was left with no prospects. She went home, chosen but un-chosen, at the start of the third episode. May her Magen David shine on JSwipe.
Happily, there is still a point to watching the Ken Burns documentary-length “Bachelor in Paradise” episodes, which feature long soft-core porn-style stretches, as well as ample weeping. And that point is to realize that you can live the “Bachelor In Paradise” life without doing so on TV, because the circumstances are nearly identical to those experienced by an employee of a Jewish summer camp.
At camp, young, half-dressed people create close connections against a stunning outdoor backdrop. True friendships and meaningful self-discovery occur as people of all genders attempt to find love and find themselves, in search of something bigger. Girls huddle to strategize who likes whom so as not to overlap. Boys find themselves setting aside the trappings of traditional masculinity. Strangers hug and greet each other by first name, having already studied each other’s dating skills or song leading-prowess from afar for years.
“It wouldn’t be paradise if there wasn’t drama,” one cast-member says, neatly summarizing not only the show, but also Jewish summer camp, as well as the beginning of Genesis.
No need to apply for a spot on the show or long to turn back the clock; try one of the several emerging adult Jewish summer camps, if you want a flavor of “Paradise.” But go easy on the tacos.
Jenny Singer is the deputy life/features editor for the Forward. You can reach her at [email protected] or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny
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