Backward 2013


Bibi Suddenly Eager To Wash Obama’s Car

By Joanie Wise

BACKWARD: Last year, President Obama was offering to fetch ice cream for Benjamin Netanyahu. But 2013 is a whole different story.Read More


Turtle Eats Jew (50 Gentiles Unharmed)

By Yonatan Zax

A slow-moving tragedy evolves in the Galapagos.Read More


‘Birthright Israel’ Donors Unveil Spinoff: ‘BootyCall Israel’

By Manny F. Destiny

BACKWARD: This new Israel learning experience aims to ensure the future of the Jewish people, one night (stand) at a time.Read More


Wanted: Leader for Major World Religion

Preferred qualifications: Partially or fully abnegated selfhood.Read More


Noah: New Ark ‘Coming Along Great.’

That Storm Sandy Was ‘A Real Kick in the Pants’Read More


Jewish Journalism Is Still Hot!

A Backward spinoff — the amusingly named “Forward” — was at the center of a campaign to make celebrities sexy again.Read More


New Hasidic Clothing Store, ‘50 Shades of Black,’ Disappoints

Meanwhile, nearby softcore erotica store, The Hole Megillah, reports unexpectedly high foot traffic from the ultra-Orthodox.Read More


Downton Rebbe

By Gail Lerner

The Earl of Grantham (Hugh Bonneville) is shocked to discover he is a cousin of the Lubavitcher Rebbe.Read More


UNESCO Saves Humor From Itself

By Dr. Mister

UNESCO declares Jewish jokes as World Heritage Treasures. The Dalai Lama is content with that decision.Read More


The Partial Pinking of Hamas

By Lawrence Zygier

Radical islamists have second thoughts about allowing LGBT Muslims to become suicide bombers.Read More





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  • “This is a dangerous region, even for people who don’t live there and say, merely express the mildest of concern about the humanitarian tragedy of civilians who have nothing to do with the warring factions, only to catch a rash of *** (bleeped) from everyone who went to your bar mitzvah! Statute of limitations! Look, a $50 savings bond does not buy you a lifetime of criticism.”
  • That sound you hear? That's your childhood going up in smoke.
  • "My husband has been offered a terrific new job in a decent-sized Midwestern city. This is mostly great, except for the fact that we will have to leave our beloved NYC, where one can feel Jewish without trying very hard. He is half-Jewish and was raised with a fair amount of Judaism and respect for our tradition though ultimately he doesn’t feel Jewish in that Larry David sort of way like I do. So, he thinks I am nuts for hesitating to move to this new essentially Jew-less city. Oh, did I mention I am pregnant? Seesaw, this concern of mine is real, right? There is something to being surrounded by Jews, no? What should we do?"
  • "Orwell described the cliches of politics as 'packets of aspirin ready at the elbow.' Israel's 'right to defense' is a harder narcotic."
  • From Gene Simmons to Pink — Meet the Jews who rock:
  • The images, which have since been deleted, were captioned: “Israel is the last frontier of the free world."
  • As J Street backs Israel's operation in Gaza, does it risk losing grassroots support?
  • What Thomas Aquinas might say about #Hamas' tunnels:
  • The Jewish bachelorette has spoken.
  • "When it comes to Brenda Turtle, I ask you: What do you expect of a woman repressed all her life who suddenly finds herself free to explore? We can sit and pass judgment, especially when many of us just simply “got over” own sexual repression. But we are obliged to at least acknowledge that this problem is very, very real, and that complete gender segregation breeds sexual repression and unhealthy attitudes toward female sexuality."
  • "Everybody is proud of the resistance. No matter how many people, including myself, disapprove of or even hate Hamas and its ideology, every single person in Gaza is proud of the resistance." Part 2 of Walid Abuzaid's on-the-ground account of life in #Gaza:
  • After years in storage, Toronto’s iconic red-and-white "Sam the Record Man" sign, complete with spinning discs, will return to public view near its original downtown perch. The sign came to symbolize one of Canada’s most storied and successful Jewish family businesses.
  • Is $4,000 too much to ask for a non-member to be buried in a synagogue cemetery?
  • "Let’s not fall into the simplistic us/them dichotomy of 'we were just minding our business when they started firing rockets at us.' We were not just minding our business. We were building settlements, manning checkpoints, and filling jails." What do you think?
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