God Resumes Prophecy — Via Twitter
These days, it seems, nobody can afford not to Tweet — not even the Creator of the universe.
God, the all-powerful divinity worshipped by the world’s monotheistic religions, has resumed direct communication with humans, and He’s doing it 140 characters at a time.
Or, as the Holy One, Blessed Be He, put it in his opening Tweet, “I’m back. And I’ve got plenty to say.”
Since then, God — or, Allah, as Muslims call him — has released a steady stream of commentary, instruction and opinion to His many followers. Indeed, the Twitter feed of the Exalted One has become one of the most widely followed accounts in the tweeting universe, rivaling the numbers of President Barack Obama and glam-pop starlet Lady Gaga, though not yet that of former film actor Ashton Kutcher.
The Almighty has acknowledged that the new medium is a challenging one.
“Same message as ever — love, justice, Sabbath, etc. — new way to say it. Same wine, new bottle. Great technology, can be hard to fit everyth”
But the recent revival of prophecy has not brought about the much-prayed for revolution in consciousness. One of the Lord’s early attempts to weigh in on controversial matters sparked a backlash. Small audiences of older people were outraged when He tweeted, “Retire Jay, keep Conan” about NBC’s late-night television line-up, and was promptly sued by Jay Leno.
One of His most theologically controversial tweets seemed to call into question His ineffable Oneness. After friending National Atheist Day on Facebook, Yahweh tweeted that He had: “2 Much wrk 2 do. Am bringing on my homeys Zeus, Zoroaster and Ba’al to help out until we hit the apocalypse, baby!!”
Since then, He has offered occasional commentaries, such as, “OMS, ROTFLMAO http://onion.com/lcnE.” But usually the Most High’s broad, sweeping pronouncements, such as “Walk the paths of compassion, justice” have left followers to debate how those principles translate into action in the real world.
The Big Guy also sparked a firestorm of controversy when He recently tweeted after the start of the Sabbath (“All these years and I still get misty at ‘Terms of Endearment,’ weddings or a good sunset”), sparking a stinging rebuke from observant Jews.
“All laws, including the laws of the Torah, can only work if everyone follows them, including Hashem,” said the Israeli chief rabbinate in a recent statement. “His recent desecration of the laws of the Sabbath and omission of halachic tear-jerkers like ‘Sunrise, Sunset’ sets an unfortunate precedent.”
In perhaps an even more serious move, critics have begun to contend that El Numero Uno has little new to say and His virtual testament is simply rehashing old material.
But God remains optimistic, and unrepentant: “5 million followers and counting! Only 6+ billion to go.”