Once again, our genial genius, Stanley Siegelman, returns to Der Vinkl with his incomparable ability to unearth a rare bit of news and then make his poetic commentary on the event in both English and Yiddish. This time the news is about an Asiatic elephant that had been conceived through artificial insemination at Jerusalem’s Biblical Zoo. This is the first time such a birth has been achieved in Israel. Worldwide, only 11 Asiatic elephants have been born through artificial means.

Der Kintslekher Helfand

In erets Yis-ro-el m’kvelt!

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Aza pasirung! Zogt di velt!

Vi lebedig di visnshaft!

Vi vunderlekh ir koyakh, kraft!

An helfand makht men, eyns un tsvey!

(Der kolir alemol iz “grey”.)

Ze vi azoy a pitsl “sperm”

Makht shoyn a groyse “pachyderm”!

Mir shepn nakhes fun der “zoo”:

Zey hobn dort gemakht a “coup”!

In Tel Aviv, der act’s bagrist:

Zey yoyvlin dortn gor umzist.

M’helft di khayes — eynes, tsvey, dray.

Bashafn kinder (“multiply”)

Di velt dervart a bisl nayes

Fun mer kintslekhe vilde khayes.

Nu, zol a Sabra zayn tsufridn?

M’fregt zikh: iz dos gut far yidn?

The Artificial Elephant

For Israel, another first!

With overwhelming pride we burst.

Technology, now procreant,

Gives rise to infant elephant!

One marvels that a man-aimed sperm

Can yield a fledgling pachyderm.

Will this success induce a spate

Of urges to inseminate?

Now many people smile becuz

The baby has a “langeh nuz,”

The deed is hailed in Tel Aviv,

Such breakthrough they can scarce conceive.

It gives new meaning to the cry,

“Be fruitful now and multiply!”

With bated breath the world awaits

More quadrupedal neonates.

And while the world awaits more news

We wonder, “Is this good for Jews?”

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