DER YIDDISH-VINKL June 27, 2003
Stanley Siegelman’s recent piece on Senator Joseph Lieberman as president drew plaudits from many readers. We so notified the author. And, in return, he has offered us another poem. This time it is Senator Hillary Clinton’s memoirs — “Living History” (Simon & Schuster). The English version is by Gus Tyler
Hillary’s Bukh Vegn Bill
Shvert Hillary, mit hant oyf Bible
— “ ’Siz shver tsu zayn bay Bill a vaybl.
Er’z take sheyn (er vil zayn shlanker)
Fundestvegn, er shtupt to conquer.”
In ir bukh fun Simon-Shuster
Zi dertseylt, di balebuste,
Vi ir man hot lib gemakht,
Mit Monike bay tog un nakht.
“Zi’z gants tsufridn in mayne hent.”
Zogt Clinton boychik, President.
“Zi iz a voyle Yiddish meydl,
“Zi kukt oys gut mit on a kleydl.”
Farvos nemt er a Yiddish moyd?
Dos iz a fragele far Freud.
M’veyst zi hot gemakht gants nervis
Alemen in Secret Service.
Dort in Vays Hoyz, dort in gartn
Git er Presidential pardon
Far zayn tokhter shande iz es
Ir futer’s monki biznes.
Vayb Hillary, zi kumt yetst for
Derklert di U.S. Senator:
“Az tshepimik iz mayn man
Dos veyst dokh gantse Vashington.
Men muz im ton vos er bafelt,
Er iz vi Teddy Roosevelt.
Sha-shtil iz er in vos er zogt
A groyse ‘shtekn’ oykh er trogt.
M’gedenkt Ron Reagan az Der Gipper
Mayn man gedenkt men as Der Zipper.
Far zayne shtiklekh some do blame me.
Dos iz take cokameymi!
Mayne Viliam mit zayne meydn
Vet nit geyn tsu a Gan Eydn.
A ligner, Bill dreyt aher ahin
A rikh zol trefn zayn totns zin.”
Fil milyon toler zi farmogt
Nnr mer zi veynt un mer zi klogt,
“Genug!” shrayt zi. “Genug, enough.
“Tsum gantsn shpil a shvartse suf!”
Hillary’s Book About Bill
Now Hillary swears with hand on Bible
As husband, Bill is not reli’ble.
He sees a girl he has to honk ’er.
He’s ready quite to stoop to conquer.
In the book that she has written
She says that Bill did things unfittin’
Like time with Monica all night.
She really didn’t think it right.
“In my hands, the time she spent
Did bring her joy,” says president.
“This Jewish lady whom I chose
She is a beauty sans her clothes.”
Why with a Jewish gal he toyed?
For answers, go to Doctor Freud.
We know that she did make quite nervous
All those guys in Secret Service.
In the White House, in the garden
He gave presidential pardon.
He caused his daughter plenty dizz’ness
With all his sexy monkey business.
But now our Hillary has her day
And this is what she has to say:
“My guy he really likes to flirt
It seems he can’t resist a skirt.
Like Teddy Roosevelt, he does say,
‘I’m following old T.R.’s way.’
My words are few, although they’re slick
But I do carry one big stick.”
They called old Reagan “Ron the Gipper.”
My man they’ll call “old Bill, the Zipper.”
For his weird ways now some blame me
I say to them, “Oh, shame on thee.”
My Bill and all his female lice
Will find no place in paradise.
My Bill does lie when on the run
A curse upon his father’s son.
Now many millions she will earn
But in her heart her pain does burn.
“Enough,” she cries, “enough, enough,
Let’s end this filthy rotten stuff.”