Boris Jackson, Kaput
One of the great treats of the final months of 5767 was being able to enjoy the madcap contests dreamed up for Jewcy.com by the mysterious, fictitious “Boris Jackson.” The weekly “Boris Jackson Challenge” has asked Jewcy readers to probe the deepest, darkest recesses of their yiddisher kops to come up with creative responses to prompts like:
Best First Sentence for a Novel about a Nymphomaniac who Collects Dreidels
Best Haiku About Harvard law professor Alan Dershowitz
Best Pick-up Line That Uses the Words “Shabbos Goy.”
Best Title for a Movie About a Cantor Named Solomon Jonesenstein Who Faints During a Particularly Enthusiastic Rendition of Adon Olam, Only to Wake Up Convinced That He’s The New Host of The Price Is Right
Best Ending to This Sentence: “I would like to pickle……”
Alas, we won’t be able to enjoy the “Boris Jackson Challenge” in 5768. Jewcy recently posted the following announcement from Boris’s “wife”:
This Maria. Boris dead. I say no pee on electric fence. Boris pee on electric fence.
Last contest to honor memory:
Best Epitaph for Boris Jackson (If you cannot think of an epitaph, you may also come up with the best erotic fantasy involving Boris Jackson and a plate of warm noodle kugel.)
My personal favorite response so far:
Here Lies Boris Maybe in next life he listen to wife.