Kanye West, Dave Chappelle and Kyrie Irving. Photo by Getty Images

Shalom Auslander November 17, 2022

Kanye West went on a number of recent tirades, accusing Jews of controlling the media and not being the real Jews. A few days later, Kyrie Irving forwarded a link to a debunked documentary that claims Jews ran the trans-Atlantic slave trade. And just this past weekend, Dave Chappelle went on “Saturday Night Live,” and, after assuring us he had Jewish friends, wrapped up his segment worrying that “they” would cancel him next, as “they” had canceled Kanye. Because “they” control the media. 

As a Jew, I have to say, I’m not impressed. 

“Jews control the media?” 

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That’s the oldest one in the book. You might as well go with the whole “Jews killed Jesus” thing. “Jews ran the African slave trade?” Guys, come on, you’re not even trying. I heard that one 40 years ago, when Louis Farrakhan first said it. You’re one step away from “Jews orchestrated 9/11,” or that we make Passover matzo from dead Christian babies (though frankly, that would explain why the damned unleavened things cause me such intestinal distress; I’m Christian Baby Intolerant). 

Perhaps the strangest accusation is that we stole being Jews from Black people who are the real Jews; this one’s had me scratching my secret Jew horns since people calling themselves “Black Hebrew Israelites” first started showing up in Times Square in the 1980s. I don’t speak for all Jews, of course, and not even for very many, but frankly, if you guys want to be the Jews, go for it. It hasn’t been great for us. I’m not sure how you see it as trading up, but when the next Holocaust starts, feel free to jump the line for the concentration camps. “Real Jews, coming through.”

There’s a reason for this same-old, same-old, of course. Hatred thrives on the same tropes being repeated as often as possible. For a certain fool, their very ubiquity legitimizes them; if the accusations weren’t true, the non-thinking goes, why would people be making them so often? So I understand why people who hate always hate in the same ways, for centuries on end.

But can we at least make it interesting? We’ve been accused of the same things for thousands of years now. Surely there are new tropes, new conspiracies these guys can think up. It can’t be that difficult.

Chappelle, West and Irving are all creative; all have worked hard to achieve what they have in their respective fields. They understand that excellence requires work and effort. Is it too much to ask that they apply that same work ethic to blaming us Jews? All three are admirers of the late Kobe Bryant, and with good reason. They have modeled themselves on him, on his drive, on his determination, on his absolute commitment to his chosen field. 

What, I wonder, would Kobe make of such uninspired finger-pointing? What would Kobe say about such a half-hearted effort? We’ll never know, because the Jews killed him.

Why? 

Over to you, guys. 

Come up with something good.

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