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The Schmooze

Hey, Lotsa Jews Could Host The Oscars — And They Aren’t Homophobic Like Kevin Hart

Kevin Hart has stepped down as this year’s Oscar Host, fewer than 24 hours after the announcement that he’d been given the gig.

In the thrillingly stupid time that lapsed between the announcement and the denouement, savvy Googlers discovered enthusiastically homophobic comments Hart made in tweets and while performing standup early in his career. Hart first deleted the old tweets, including this brilliant cocktail of reinforced gender roles, homophobia and violence towards children:

“Yo if my son comes home & try’s 2 play with my daughters doll house I’m going 2 break it over his head & say n my voice ‘stop that’s gay.’”

Hart responded to outcry with a video stating that the comments were made “years ago” and explaining that he feels sorry for anyone who doesn’t understand that people can change.

When criticism didn’t abate, Hart put out a second video, saying that the Academy told him to choose between apologizing for his comments or stepping down from his role. “I chose to pass on the apology,” he said. “I’ve addressed it. I’ve spoken on it, I’m done.”

Later that day, he tweeted an apology along with the explanation that he would, indeed, be stepping down as host:

Essentially, Hart hit himself over the head and said, in his own voice, “stand in the way of your dream of hosting the Oscars because maintaining your personal legacy of using the phrase ‘fat-faced fag’ must be your priority.”

It’s a fascinating hill to die on. But we don’t have time to dissect Hart’s possible reasoning, because it’s time to pick a Jewish host who could delight, enchant, and not reveal a trove of demented homophobic comments!

Julie Klausner and Billy Eichner:

These two magical people have that sensational combination one wants in an awards host: actually funny, actually good at writing funny things. Lock them down, Academy.

Maya Rudolph

Do people understand that Maya Rudolph is not going to live forever? If we start now, it may be possible for her to host up to 50 Oscar ceremonies. If we start later, it won’t be so easy.

Tiffany Haddish

Tiffany Haddish made approximately 29 movies this year, and none of them are going to be nominated for Oscars because they’re all too fun. Having her host the Oscars is the only logical option in this economy.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Face it: Michelle Obama is probably not willing to host the Oscars. And the next most-beloved person in the world by quite a considerable margin has to be Julia Louis-Dreyfus. She also happens to be one of the funniest and most prolific television actors of all time. Just imagine her slipping on glasses to read quips about immigration of the teleprompter! Pure heaven.

Randy Rainbow

Randy Rainbow is a quadruple threat: singer, actor, comedian, parody writer to the stars. America’s greatest humor parodist would be the most Jewish Oscars host since Billy Crystal, plus he looks way better in lipstick.

And our choice for non-Jewish hosts:

Leslie Jones or Michelle Wolf. Leslie Jones or Michelle Wolf. Leslie Jones or Michelle Wolf. These women set the world on fire with their words. They are sickeningly funny. If we can’t have one of our favorite tribe members, give us Les or Michelle, Lord, oh please!

Jenny Singer is the deputy lifestyle editor for the Forward. You can reach her at [email protected] or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny


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