Stanley Siegelman, as steady readers of Der Vinkl must know, is blessed with not only the witty word, but also a sharp eye for unusual news. His current subject deals with a school for gays in the New York City public school system. Here is his Yiddish version on the subject, followed by his English version.

A Talmud Torah far Feygelakh

A plan iz do fun vos men kvelt

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A “school” far gays — meshugene velt!

S’iz epes modne, nor me zogt

Der plan a groyse “problem” trogt

Dos iz — in ershtn un letstn vort

Vos lernen di studentn dort?

Ven “teachers” gibn zey a “quiz”

Vet es zayn fray fun “prejudice”?

Fun “topic” A biz “topic” zed

Vos pasirt yetst in “phys ed?”

Vet “closet” tir geefnt zayn?

Veln mentshn kukn dort arayn?

Fun vanen kumen bikher (”texts”)

Zey efsher dreyen a kop “re” sex.

Vet Dr. Ruth di alte yente

Zayn a “speaker” — a “presenter?”

Tsoris! “Law suits” ken dos zayn

“Re” vemen lozt men dort arayn.

Tsu hobn dortn an “entrée”

Muz men tzaygn men iz “gay.”

An aplikant vos kukt oys “best”

Muz efsher nemen dan a “test?”

“Freg nit, zog nit: dos tut men nisht

Yetst iz ales shoyn zeyer farmisht!

A mazl oyf der nayem “school”

Vi es gefint zikh di “golden rule”

Gebentsht der board of ed! Omeyn

Zey geyen vi nor malokhim geyen!

A School for Gays

Now here’s a plan that merits praise

A school exclusively for gays.

The concept, though, could flop some fear

Because they find it somewhat queer.

The doubters wonder what, in sum

Will constitute curriculum.

Will what is taught be neuter, viz

Devoid of gender, prejudice?

Or will the emphasis, instead

Be on the merits of phys ed?

Will closet doors be opened wide

So that everyone can peer inside?

Who’ll teach the kids? And from which texts?

And who’ll present the specs of sex?

Will lecturers be frank, in sooth?

Will one of them be Dr. Ruth?

Will civil righters raise a din

Re choosing those who’ll be let in?

To qualify and gain entrée

Must one first prove he/she is gay?

Perhaps this will be manifest

By means of an admissions test.

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” no longer applies

Here girls love girls, and guys love guys.

Let’s laud this most distinctive school

Where homo sapiens will rule!

We all salute the board of ed

Which goes where angels fear to tread.

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