You’ll Never Guess What Natalie Portman’s Alias Is

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By Anne Cohen December 9, 2014

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Celebrities — they’re just like us. They grocery shop, they pay bills, they travel. Only, unlike you and me, they use utterly ridiculous names to complete these mundane plebeian tasks.

The recent Sony hack has revealed the alternate identities of some of our favorite Jewish (and Jewish adjacent — Taye Diggs was married to Idina Menzel after all) celebs. Submitted for your amusement:

Sarah Michelle Gellar: “Neely O’Hara”
A “Valley of The Dolls” reference. I like it.

Natalie Portman: “Lauren Brown”
Possibly the most boring fake name ever. You can do better, Natalie.

Rob Schneider: “Nazzo Good”
Who would ever believe this was someone’s actual name?

Taye Diggs: “Scott Diggs”
So Taye, the point of a fake name is to have a FAKE name.

Debra Messing: “Ava Harper”
Almost. Almost.

And okay, not Jewish in any way but COME ON:
Tom Hanks: “Harry Lauder” and “Johnny Madrid”

Anne Cohen was the Forward’s deputy digital media editor. When she’s not looking for the secret Jewish history of Voodoo in New Orleans, or making lists about Ruth Bader Ginsburg, she writes for The Assimilator. She graduated from the Columbia Graduate School of Journalism with an M.S. magazine concentration in 2012.