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If Natalie Portman Ruled The World, Everyone Would Eat ‘Jewshi’

Natalie Portman wants to know why sushi has never been made with gefilte fish.

“You have horseradish on the side,” she told Vox Lux co-star Jude Law in a WIRED autocomplete interview. “It’s kind of the same thing as wasabi, right? Jew-shi. No one’s made it. Why don’t they make sushi with gefilte fish? It’s disgusting, but good branding, right?”

A recipe for that exact dish on culinary blog MakeMySushi suggests that gefilte-sushi might not be a Portman invention, it’s true that this trend has yet to sweep the nation. Is horseradish equivalent to wasabi? In the battle of white versus green, root versus rhizome, are the two interchangeably spicy? Well, they’re both from the Brassicaceae family, and both will leave you gasping for desperate breath, so why not?

According to Urban Dictionary, Jewshi is kosher sushi, sushi made of ‘Jew food,’ or something extremely delicious. Twitter seemed equally confused as to what Jewshi was. Natalie Portman may be busy doing publicity for her upcoming drama “Vox Lux,” but it is imperative that we do not conflate the phenomenon of kosher sushi with the not-yet phenomenon of gefilte fish sushi. Lets have some order, please!

Of course, in the pantheon of weird celebrity eating habits, Portman’s invention of Jewshi barely ranks when considering that Nic Cage apparently will only eat animals that have dignified sex and that Catherine Zeta-Jones uses strawberries to clean her teeth.

It’s only a matter of time before Whole Foods trademarks Jewshi and starts selling it by the wildly expensive barrel. So, sure, Natalie Portman, why not trademark Jewshi and get ahead of the game?

And if you want to really make a splash, give the proceeds to the campaign of one of Benjamin Netanyahu’s political challengers.

Shira Feder is a writer who can be reached at [email protected]

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